


Retrain

by NaughtyPastryChef



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: (mild) Daddy Kink, Abuse, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Bottom Jensen, Bottom!dom!Jensen, Collars, First Time, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Recreational Drug Use, Sex Toys, Slave Training, Slow Burn, Top Jared Padalecki, age gap, excessive talking about feelings, top!sub!Jared, watersports (mention)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-11 16:28:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 31,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15319527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaughtyPastryChef/pseuds/NaughtyPastryChef
Summary: Jensen Ackles wins teenage submissive Jared Padalecki in a poker game run by Stephen Amell. Jensen doesn’t know anything about being a Dominant or taking care of an abused kid but he can’t let Jared go, he has to help him learn who he was meant to be.





	Retrain

**Author's Note:**

> To all the people who helped me: Hellhoundsprey- for sticking with me even though the whole premise changed on both of us Nomercles- thank you so much for talking to a relative stranger about all of these things I knew nothing about. Thank you for taking me under your wing and helping to guide this story away from abuse and into actual safe, sane, consensual BDSM. Soy-em- bless you for betaing this even while finishing your own story and getting ready to post.  
> To Paula, Cassie, Angie, Jes, Amanda, Linds, Eve and everyone else who has listened to me talk and obsess and generally not let this go. It's finally posted! No more whining from me!

[Link to Emmatheslayer's Art](https://emmatheslayer.livejournal.com/519474.html)

 

Jensen had played poker in some creepy back rooms, with some sleazy people (it was a part of how he got so good) but this place and these people were the worst. His stomach rolled as he looked at the kit in the middle of the table.

 Felicia's grandfather’s gold watch and grandmother’s diamond ring were there, along with enough money to last him a month, and the title to his car. And now Stephen Amell, the disgusting host of this game, was pushing a slip of paper across the table.

Jensen grabbed the note, his eyebrows drawing together incredulously when he saw what was scrawled across it. "You're betting ... Your _sub_ ?! A _person_? Are you kidding me, Amell?"

Amell smirked and leaned forward, a dangerous glint flashing in his dark eyes. "A well trained sub like Jared is worth way more than your so-called ‘classic’ car, Ackles. This is me calling. You in or is it all mine?"

Jensen gritted his teeth against the wave of nausea. He had no idea what he was going to do with Amell’s probably well used, poorly trained submissive, but since he was holding a royal flush, he knew he was taking it all.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Walking away from a place and a person he never wanted to see again, Jensen pulled out his phone and dashed off a text to Felicia, letting her know that he had her heirlooms and she needed new hobbies with new people; no more dealing with Stephen Amell. Tucking his phone back in his pocket he looked up as he approached his baby and saw a crazy tall, crazy hot dude standing next to her, long hair falling in his face as he stared at the ground.

This must be the person he won in the poker game

"Uhm, hey. Jared, right?"

Crazy tall and hot didn't look up, but jerked his head in a shaky nod.

"Man, look, you don't have to come with me. You're not a slave, okay? Do you have somewhere you wanna go? I’d be happy to drive you."

The large body started to quiver and Jensen heard a soft sniffle before even softer words reached his ears. "If I don't go with you, master says he will find me and take me back. Please let me come with you, sir. Please don't make me go back to Master, sir." The words were underlaid with a current of abject terror, and Jensen was even more disgusted by Amell than he already had been. He felt a strong urge to protect Jared, who looked to be barely into adulthood.

"N-no. I won't do that. It's okay. C’mon get in the car, we'll go get some food. And you don't have to call me sir, Jensen or Jen is just fine. You're not.... I'm not like him, okay?"

A beautiful tear-stained face with big hazel eyes finally turned to him and Jensen gasped aloud; Jared couldn’t be much more than 18, even younger than he’d first thought. _What the hell is wrong with Stephen Amell to kidnap and train someone little more than a child?_ Jensen forced a soft smile onto his face for Jared’s benefit because the boy was shaking like a leaf. He reached out and placed a warm hand on the small of Jared’s back and guided him to the passenger side of the car. He couldn’t help but notice how Jared yearned towards his touch, and it broke his heart. He gently helped Jared into the car before shutting the door and running around to the driver’s side.

"We just won a whole bunch of money off that asshole, so, what’s your favorite food in the whole world? Cause I think we deserve that for dinner, don't you?" Big hazel eyes didn’t flicker from his face, but those pretty pink lips moved the barest bit.

"I like ice cream," Jared whispered, like it was some horrible secret that no one was supposed to know.

Jensen swallowed around his anger. "Well we can't really have just ice cream for dinner, but I do know where we can get the best ice cream in the city afterwards. How about steak? Big, juicy steak with salad and potatoes sound good to you?" Jensen tried to encourage the poor kid. Even in the dim interior lighting, it was undeniable the kid needed some meat on his bones.

"Mast- he-he- didn't let me have steak, only chicken and fish."

Jensen felt blood pool in his mouth as he bit through the inside of his cheek to avoid an outburst or showing his anger on his face; Jared didn’t deserve to see his anger. He already knew that Jared would think it was directed at him and he couldn't allow that to happen.

"Well then, a big special night for us. Steak and potatoes and ice cream. Here we go, buckle up, okay?”

Ruth’s Chris wasn’t the fanciest place that Jen had been to for steaks, but it came the closest to serving a proper Texas-style steak in upstate New York. Again, with a guiding hand on the small of his back, he led Jared into the restaurant and behind the waiter to their table in the corner.

In the brighter lighting of the restaurant, Jensen was able to take in details of the boy he was feeling more and more protective of and responsible for by the second.

His hair was a gorgeous dark brown and his skin seemed naturally tan. Those big hazel eyes seemed to change color depending on what he was looking at. He caught a smile on that pretty, pretty face when a birthday cake with a lit candle passed by their table and was astonished to see actual dimples in the perfect cheeks. Jared had a cute little pointy nose and right next to it was a mole that Jen was quickly becoming obsessed with.

Crazy tall and crazy hot this boy certainly was, but he was also beautiful in a way that Jensen was enamored of already. A dangerous thing; Jensen didn’t fall often but when he did it was hard and it was fast and he usually ended up very, very hurt.

“Okay, so, let’s see here about the menu. Now, Jared, something important that you should know about me. Just cause I live in New York doesn’t mean I grew up here. I’m from Texas, and that entails some things that Imma lay out for y’all now. I like steak and I have a particular way I need that steak to be cooked. I would never make you eat what I’m eating if you don’t like it, but I don’t like it any other way, y’understand?”

Jared’s wide-eyed look encouraged Jensen in his act, laying on the Texas thick for the cute boy’s enjoyment. He allowed his twang to slip into his speech more and more as he talked, expansively and with the aid of his hands, and eventually he was able to get a dimpled smile aimed at him.

“I wanna try it the Texas way; I’m from there too.” Jared mumbled as the waiter approached their table. Jensen smiled big at him and waved his hand for him to order first.

Jensen watched as Jared’s entire demeanor changed. Gone was the soft smile on his face, gone was the slumping posture as he made himself seem smaller. His spine straightened out while his eyes focused on the tablecloth and he stopped moving altogether. Jensen couldn't understand what just happened. This Jared was more like a statue than a person.

“Jared?” There was no reply to Jensen’s soft inquiry. He looked up at the waiter as though the stranger would have some kind of answer for him. When no answer was forthcoming, Jensen sighed and took a chance by ordering for both of them.

“Okay, we will both just have water. The steak house salad to start, no onions, house dressing. The cowboy ribeye, rare for me and medium for him and we will each have a loaded baked potato.” The waiter left with a nod and Jensen turned back to Jared, whose posture only relaxed  after the waiter walked away.

“Are you okay?” Hazel eyes turned to look at him with a silent plea but Jensen was about to pull out his hair due to the fact that he didn’t know what the plea was for. He didn’t know what Jared needed. “You don’t have to, I mean, I’m not him. I don’t want you to be that- _that._ ” He didn’t really know what to call it but Jensen wasn’t the type of person to keep a slave, which is what it seemed like that asshole had trained this boy to be. Already he felt like he was in over his head and they hadn’t even made it home.

“I’m sorry, sir.”

Jensen felt his heart break just a little as he looked over at Jared. He so badly wanted to ask what had happened to him, how he ended up with the sleaze that just traded him away in a game of poker; but he knew that it would only make the poor boy clam up. So, he did what he did best: act. He pasted a smile on his face, infused his voice with confidence and talked about himself.

“So, let’s see. Well, you know my name is Jensen, Jensen Ross Ackles but please don’t call me by my full name or I’m likely to think I’m in trouble. I have an older brother and a younger sister and my momma and daddy are still together, running the ranch back home. I came to New York when I was just 19 so I could act, mostly stage stuff, some musicals, occasionally my agent’ll get me a speaking part on a tv show or movie filming in the city. But I just couldn’t live in the city, so with my first big paycheck I bought my baby, the ‘67 Impala, and a little house in White Plains.” He paused and met Jared’s eyes; he looked enraptured. Jensen took a deep breath and felt his face color embarrassingly.

“Well, I guess I shouldn’t overstate it. it’s a cottage really. One bathroom and 3 teeny tiny bedrooms. But there’s space and it’s quiet and there’s woods behind the yard. You’re gonna see it soon anyway, wouldn’t want you expecting a mansion anyway.”

“It sounds ...great, si-I mean Jensen.” Jared smiled at him, dimples and all and Jensen felt a surge of triumph—before a tiny niggle of worry. He wondered how much education Amell had allowed Jared. He hadn’t ever actually picked up his menu, and his word choices seemed… immature. Jensen forced all his questions to the back of his mind. He’d already decided that he was going to help Jared and take care of him; all of the traumatizing questions could wait until they were home and comfortable. They could probably stand to wait until they knew each other for more than an hour, as well, he thought.

“Oh good, here’s the food. I dunno about you man, but I’m starved.”

Jensen watched Jared’s wide eyes as all the food was delivered to their table. Jared looked panicky around the eyes so Jensen smiled soothingly and picked up his salad fork for the salad, moving slow enough that Jared would be able to follow his lead.

Watching Jared slowly savor the salad when there was so much more food to come broke Jensen’s heart a little bit more and made him realize just how in over his head he really was. As he ate, Jensen’s mind was running non-stop with plans and ideas for what he could do to help Jared. His first thought was to contact the police; he could tell already that Jared had been abused in ways that could be punished legally. His second idea was to try and find Jared’s family; he planned to get a good night's sleep tonight and try and ask some questions in the morning. He avoided talking while they filled their bellies, watching Jared out of the corner of his eye and trying to understand some of his behavior.

Jensen had no idea about the Dominant and Submissive lifestyle; he didn’t know what the scumbag could have trained Jared to do or not to do. Jensen mentally added research to his already massive list of things to do the next day. He had a sneaking suspicion that Jared wouldn’t be very forthcoming with information.

He watched as Jared turned wide eyes on the amount of food still on the table when he took one more bite. While anyone could look at Jared and see that he needed to be fed up a little, he didn’t want the kid to get sick their first night together. Mentally, he regretted bringing them out for such a rich meal but he couldn’t know that Jared was unused to eating like this. Jensen felt untethered and lost and if he felt like that, he couldn’t imagine how Jared was feeling.

“Don’t worry about it. We can get it all boxed up and take it with us; it’ll be a nice lunch tomorrow.” He offered gently, taking a guess as to why Jared looked on the verge of a meltdown. His words seemed to calm Jared and he reached for the thick stack of money in his pocket to leave for the check.

“Now, are you still hungry for ice cream or would you rather just head home?” Jensen swiped the boxes of leftovers off the table and stood, waiting for Jared.

As soon as Jared stood he slumped, as though he were trying to make himself smaller. Jensen bit the inside of his cheek again, poking at the sore that formed already, against the curses that wanted to come out. Amell was an inch or so shorter than Jensen, which would mean Jared had towered over him; he’d probably told Jared to make himself seem smaller when they were standing together.

“So, ice cream or home? Your choice.” He asked again, leading Jared out to the car.

“Home, please.” Jared finally spoke up in that soft voice of his that made Jensen’s heart clench.

“Yeah, that was a big meal. Okay, well, it’s a bit of hike out to White Plains so buckle up and let’s head out. You mind if I listen to music?” Unsurprisingly, Jared shook his head instead of speaking and Jensen turned on the radio low and pulled out of the parking lot, settling into the seat for the drive.

About thirty minutes into the drive Jensen glanced over at Jared pretending to sleep in the passenger seat. He wanted to talk more, to ask questions, to hear the kid’s sweet voice saying anything but clearly, Jared was freaked out. His breathing was too shallow and Jensen could see the quick “thump-thump-thump” of his pulse in that long neck, but Jared had his eyes closed and his face tilted towards the window. It was a lot to process. Jensen could certainly afford to give him some space.

He pulled into his driveway with relief, happy to be home, tension bleeding away as he just looked at the red front door of his own little cottage. He gently and slowly reached across the seat and put a hand on Jared’s shoulder, fully expecting a flinch, but not a whimper of fear.

“Hey, we’re home now. C’mon inside. We’ll get you some sweatpants to sleep in and make sure that the sheets on the guest bed are clean, okay? And, of course, you can shower when you like.”

Jared nodded and moved stiffly to get out of the car. Jensen ran up the walkway and unlocked the door, waiting and holding it open for Jared who was moving slowly; it looked like he managed to get a little sleep after all.

“Ahh, home sweet home. I’ll just go get a change of clothes for you and a towel for a shower in the morning. Unless you wanna shower now but you look tired. Then I’ll show you where the bathroom is and where the guest room is. And, uh, my room, you know, in case you need anything in the night. Actually, why don’t I just give you a tour? It’s a tiny house, watch your head in the doorways.” Jensen knew he was rambling but having Jared here, in his space, was starting to intimidate him. He felt protective, yes, and more than a little attracted to the kid - who wouldn’t - but something about Jared in his home was making him feel like a fifteen year old on their first date.

He roughed out a quick tour, pointing out the highlights of the house and ending with his room, since it was the farthest in the back.

“Heh, sorry, it’s a disaster, but I didn’t know I’d be having someone over.” He quickly pulled his comforter over the messy sheets and moved some of the dirty clothes from the floor to, well, near the hamper. It was overflowing and Jensen felt his face heat up. “Guess it’s time to do laundry. Speaking of…” He trailed off and stuck his head into the tiny closet, knowing that he had some old, comfy tee-shirts in the back along with a pair of sweats that were too big for him.

He held out the clothes he was looking for; an ‘I love NY’ tee-shirt he’d bought right when he moved here and a pair of sweatpants left over from the last time Jason had stayed over, since he was a little taller than Jensen.

“They’ll, uh, probably be a little small. We should probably get some shopping done soon. Till then, I hope you don’t mind too much if your ankles are showing.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke, embarrassed. Slowly but surely, the thought of actually being responsible for Jared was becoming overwhelming. He took a deep breath and peeked at the grateful look on Jared’s face as he took the undersized spare clothes reverently. _One thing at a time_.

He walked out of his room to the tiny bedroom next door and glanced at the pathetically small bed, then back up at Jared. “Sorry, it’s just a full-size.” He looked up just as Jared wiped a tear from the corner of his eye with the ratty sleeve of his hoodie. “Uh, hey, hey. I promise that we will find something bigger for you. I have a buddy who’s a whiz at making stuff, maybe he can make you a bed and we can buy a mattress to fit it or something. It’s not forever.”  Jensen started to panic as he noticed the tears openly streaming down Jared’s face. He didn’t know what he’d done’ only that he wanted to fix it.

“Thank you, sir, it’s great. At—at my last house I slept on the floor at the foot of the bed so that I could be right there if Master needed me. Are—are you sure that you want me to have all this?” Jared gestured to the entire tiny room, with its single sided closet and full-size bed that took up the whole square footage of the room and Jensen’s heart broke.

“Jared—you’re not a piece of furniture. You’re not a possession. You’re a person, a kid, and I intend to make sure that you are treated like one. You’ll have your own room and clothes and, well, it’s going to take some time to figure it all out, but we will. I’m not your master. I’m not Sir. I’m just Jensen.” He reached out, giving into the impulse to grip Jared’s bicep to provide him with a little comfort.

As though he’d pressed an invisible button when he touched Jared’s arm, Jared slid to the floor, looking up at Jensen from his knees and reaching towards the button of Jensen’s pants. The sudden rush of arousal from the action was dampened by the tear tracks on Jared’s face and the way the angle made him look so heart-wrenchingly young.

“I--uh what?” He sputtered. “Look, you don’t have to, what I mean is that it’s not like that here. I mean, I get that you’re grateful or whatever but you don’t. No, just no.” With that bit of eloquence, Jensen fled the room, giving no thought to how Jared would take his actions as a rejection.

Jensen headed into his room and sank down onto the bed, hiding his face in his hands. He was in so far over his head. He didn’t know what to do next or how to help the kid in the next room, he didn’t know what he was thinking having brought him back to his house. What if this was some kind of massive trick? What if Amell, a long time rival of Jensen for acting parts, was trying to throw him off his game? An endless list of what-ifs ran through his head over and over until he realized that he could hear soft crying from his guest room.

Jared was no trick; he was an abused kid. Even if Jensen didn’t know what to do he had a better handle on life than the kid sobbing in the next room. Jared had a better chance at life, a future, with him than he ever would if he’d stayed with that douche-weasel who’d bet him in a card game as though he were a possession. Everything that Jensen wanted was to go and cradle the scared kid in the next room but he didn’t know if that would be taken wrong. Even after just a few short hours he could tell that Jared didn’t know how to accept comfort without twisting it the way he’d been trained to.

With a heavy heart, Jensen pulled on his pajamas and grabbed his laptop from the pile of dirty clothes at the side of his bed, opening up a new tab and googling “BDSM lifestyle”. He read until his eyes were dry and scratchy and his head could absorb no more information but he knew as he finally drifted to sleep that he was in no way equipped to help Jared the way he needed to. His last thought as he fell asleep was that he didn’t notice when the soft sobs in the next room switched over to silence. He dreamt of a dimpled smile and mercurial eyes.

When Jensen woke up, he did so in stages; first his body and then his brain. It wasn’t until his eyes opened that he realized why his body felt so good even though he’d had only a few hours of troubled sleep. Jared was on his bed crouched between his legs, his beautiful eyes shining up a him while the head of his cock was tucked between perfect pink lips. Everything in Jensen said to jump up, get away and start talking about personal space and boundaries but it was the memory of the defeated look on Jared’s face from the night before that stopped him and made him reconsider his approach.

He reached down and cupped Jared’s cheek, pulling himself out of those perfect lips and tucked himself back into the pajama bottoms. It was possibly the worst thing he’d ever had to do and he almost regretted it when Jared scrambled off the bed and crouched on the floor looking like he was going to start crying again.

“Hey, now, what’s all that about?” He sat up on the bed but was wary of getting too close. What reading he’d done the night before affirmed that Jared hadn’t been trained as anything other than a slave even though he was told he was being trained as a proper submissive. Even Jensen could tell the body language was that of an abused kid who was afraid of punishment for doing something wrong.

“He—he said it was my job to help relieve him in the mornings,” Jared replied, wrapping his long arms around himself and looking up at Jensen from the floor.

Jensen got up from the bed and crouched down next to Jared, carefully maneuvering so that he was close but not touching. “Blue balls aren’t something that needs to be relieved every morning. Sometimes it’s kinda nice to just let it be… just let it be, you know?”

He watched as Jared’s face went from pale fear to cherry-red embarrassment and in that moment Jensen realized something: Jared hadn’t been sucking. He hadn’t been fondling or applying any kind of pressure or friction. He’d simply been holding the tip of Jensen’s cock in his mouth, seemingly waiting for something. He took a deep breath in through his nose.

“Relieve him?” He prodded, unable to actually voice his thought aloud. He didn’t need an answer from Jared, however; he knew before he’d asked. “Never again. That’s not something you ever have to do again. Not for me.”

He could have kicked himself once the words were out of his mouth; he shouldn’t be giving commands. Poor kid was completely confused and he already knew he was scared out of his mind; the last thing he needed was an order. Jensen’s foggy mind scrambled for a better way to phrase it.

“It’s not something that I like so you don’t need to do that for me.” He looked down to see that his morning wood had wilted completely; piss-drinking was one of the ultimate turn offs for his libido it seemed. He blinked and shook his head, thinking longingly of his soft bed and warm blankets, wishing he could just tug Jared into bed with him and get a few more hours of sleep.

“Why don’t we head into the kitchen and see about some breakfast. You strike me as a pancakes and bacon kind of guy, huh?” Jensen tried to shake off the awkwardness but it was hard, and the feeling lingered.

Jared followed him into the kitchen and took a seat at the tiny center island, nearly dwarfing it, as Jensen pulled out a bowl and the ingredients for pancakes while the oven preheated. He didn’t speak as he prepped their breakfast, his mind darting this way and that the whole time. He was trying to focus on mixing ingredients, not on what he was going to do with this person sitting in his kitchen.

He felt responsible for Jared, though they’d known each other less than twelve hours. He wanted to cuddle the giant kid. He wanted to take care of him. He wanted to … stop burning the pancakes. He forced himself to focus until he had a short stack of perfect pancakes on the plate that he was placing in front of Jared. He made his own plate and sat down, eating quickly while his mind was on a million different things at once. By the time they were done eating, he barely noticed as Jared silently got up and took their dishes to the sink and began washing them.

He looked at Jared’s back, pondering. Of course he knew that Jared was good looking but he forced himself to brush off the attraction. Jared was exactly the type of guy that he usually fell for though.

“I’m just gonna brush my teeth and throw some clothes on,” he mumbled on his way back to the bathroom. He took a piss, washed his hands and face and brushed his teeth, leaning over the counter to look himself in the eye.

“He is a traumatized kid and you are not up for this kind of challenge,” he said to himself, the back of his mind laughing as it did every time he talked to himself in the mirror.

By the time he was done pulling on clothes and wandered back into the kitchen, it was spotless, looking even cleaner than it had before he’d started cooking, and Jared was nowhere to be found. He meandered through his tiny house looking and finally found Jared in the living room.

Jared was on his knees on the floor, sitting by Jensen’s easy chair. His posture was rigid, no bend or give to his spine at all, and he was staring straight ahead, looking at nothing. He wasn’t moving at all.

“Hey, what’s all this?” Jensen couldn’t bring himself to sit in his chair while Jared knelt beneath it and took a spot on the tiny loveseat instead.

“This is...Where I’m supposed to wait, right?” Jared’s head cocked to the side in confusion like a giant puppy.

Jensen reaffirmed that he was in over his head. He swiped a hand over his face and bit the inside of his lip. He was at a loss; even if he asked a direct question, he wasn’t sure that Jared would answer.

*********************************************************************************

Jared was used to scary situations. His parents died when he was a baby, or so he was told, and he was put into the foster system in Texas. He’d been a large, talkative child and people looking for kids to adopt didn’t like that. Ever since he could remember he’d been told to use less words, use his inside voice, gesture less, calm down and every variation of all those things. He learned ASL at one of the schools he attended and would gesture and sign fruitlessly in an attempt to be quiet and still get all the information in his head out at the same time. It was still a reflex, the twitching of his hands in their familiar patterns, but it was rarely noticed and even more rarely acknowledged.

When he was fifteen he was fed up with yet another foster home; they weren’t bad people, they just weren’t forever family kind of people. He packed as much as he could carry into a backpack and took off. He’d lived on the streets for a few months, scrounging food and taking gas-station bathroom showers as he tried to stay clean. It was better than some of the houses that he’d been in but it wasn’t fun. He remembered thinking that he was a kid. He shouldn’t have to be figuring out where he was going to sleep. He shouldn’t have to worry about how we was going to fill his belly the next time he was so hungry that it hurt. He recalled the glimpses of movies and tv shows he’d seen and things that he’d heard from other kids when he’d been in one place long enough to actually go to school; this wasn’t stuff a kid should have to deal with.

He’d meandered from town to town, finally ending up in a city big enough that he could barter a ride with a trucker to the next one, slowly making his way from his native Texas to New York. It was when he made it to New York City, having just turned 16 in the back of a semi-truck with no one to even celebrate with, that he’d met Master.

Master said he was pretty. Master said he’d take him in and give him food and a place to sleep every night. At first, there had been promises of school; Jared had always liked school when he’d been able to go. He fell for it.

But when he was taken to the large house, there were only vague similarities to what he’d been told. He did have a bed, but he was ‘gently encouraged’ to sleep at the foot of his Master’s bed. There had been food but it wasn’t filling, it was never enough.  He was told that Master didn’t want him to get much bigger, he was too big, always too big everywhere; so he ate salads, vegetables, lean chicken and fish. He was kept hungry and wanting.

There was no school. Oh, there were lessons, sure, but they were a different kind of lesson than he’d been hoping for. He learned that he was a thing to be used and shown off. A thing to be played with for the pleasure of others.

He was taught how to hold himself when he was sat near his Master. He was taught how to relieve his master with his mouth. He was taught how to clean his body and prep himself, though even after all the years he spent with Master, he remained a virgin in that one aspect at least. He never understood that, until last night when Master came home in a rage and said that Jared belonged to someone else now. That he was leaving but if Jared’s new owner didn’t like him then Master would take him back.

Then, with nothing but the clothes on his back, he was marched out to stand next to a pretty but old car and wait. Jensen had come up to him and he was so beautiful that Jared had forgotten all his lessons. He’d slumped in his seat, he’d ignored or pretended not to hear direct questions. He felt like he was in a fog.

Master had been nice at first too and Jared couldn’t help but wait for the other shoe to drop.

Jensen looked at him from his position on the couch and Jared felt his face grow warm at the kind but confused look on that handsome face. He spared a thought and brief moment of relief that, if he had to be given to someone, at least it was someone nice to look at. Sometimes Master had friends over to the house. Friends that Jared was forced to play with. They were never as beautiful or as nice as Jensen.

“Thanks. I think you’re nice to look at too. Why don’t you come sit with me on the couch?” Jensen offered and Jared felt his face flame again; he’d said that outloud. Now he was torn—he’d been given a direct order to sit on the couch but he wasn’t supposed to sit on the couch; he was too big for the furniture and it wasn’t comfortable for Master when he took up all the available space. He frantically flicked his fingers between the signs for confusion and panic, keeping the movements as small as he dared.

“I’m not him,” Jensen said with a dark look on his face and Jared scrambled up from the floor, fearing punishment. He sat down gingerly next to Jensen, trying to make himself as small as possible. He nearly flinched when Jensen reached out and placed a hand on his bicep, but managed to hold back at the last second, or he thought he did.

“I’m not mad at you. You’re not going to be punished or whatever…sick things that Amell used to do to you. I just want you to sit with me. Talk to me.” Jared stayed quiet; that sounded like a trap.

Jensen sighed and it made his whole body ripple fascinatingly. Jared liked to focus on the steady rise and fall of Jensen’s chest as he breathed; it was soothing and familiar in a strange sort of way. He felt his fingers twitch with the need to say things, things he wasn’t supposed to say. He was signing before he could stop himself and saw Jensen take notice. He was still watching Jared’s hands as he began to speak.

“Since you won’t talk, I guess I’ll have to.” Jared raised his eyes to see Jensen run a hand through his hair nervously.

“I’m...you… I think we are really out of our depth here. I… This isn’t me. I’m not him and when I say that I mean I have no desire to see you in this sort of… position here. You’re not a slave or submissive or whatever he’s taught you that you need to be. I need you to work with me here because I can barely take care of myself and I’m not sure I can take care of you too.”

Jared flinched; unwanted, unneeded, unloved—that’s all he was to everyone around him. He was a burden and he’d been one to everyone he’d come in contact with since his parents died. He looked at the sympathetic, handsome face staring back at him and felt the urge to cry. Not just cry, but weep. He didn’t know the rules here.

“Hey, what’s that face for? C’mon, Jay. Don’t, please don’t cry.” Jensen pulled Jared closer and while it was confusing to be held like this, for his own comfort, he couldn’t help turning into it.

“I don’t know the rules here. There are always rules. About how much to talk and how loud I can be. About where to sit and what I can do and what I’m allowed to eat, but you won’t tell me the rules because you don’t want me.” He sobbed openly into the air as he was pulled down so that his face was pressed into Jensen’s chest. Jensen wrapped his arms around his back and his fingertips played with the hair at the back of his head. It made Jared cry even harder.

Eventually he calmed down to the point where he could hear the gentle “shh” sounds that Jensen made. He sniffled and brought his hand up to wipe at the mess of snot and tears and drool on his face.

“C’mon, let’s head to the bathroom and clean you up a little bit.” Jared allowed himself to be guided to his feet and steered through the house to the bathroom. Calm in the the way that only a good cry can bring, he let himself be sat down on the closed toilet seat as Jensen wiped at his face and held a piece of toilet paper up to his nose as he softly instructed Jared to blow.

“I was right. We do have a lot to talk about but I think that some of the things I thought were important are going to have to wait.” Jensen spoke softly as he passed Jared a toothbrush already covered in paste. He waited patiently as Jared brushed his teeth and rinsed his mouth. Jared was exhausted; he just wanted to lie down and sleep.

“But I think our talk will have to wait. Jared, why don’t you do lie down on your bed and see if you can sleep a little. You look tired, buddy. I’ve got things to do anyway.” Jared’s eyes were mostly closed, more because they were swollen from crying than anything else, and he was guided up to his feet and into the guest room he’d been shown but spent no time in the night before. Jensen tucked him in like he’d seen parents do for little kids in movies and thought he imagined the kiss to his forehead.

“Rest, Jay. I’ll be here when you wake up and we can talk.” He heard Jensen move towards the door but before he left the room he whispered, “I do want you here.”

He closed his eyes and drifted into an exhausted sleep, free of dreams.

When Jared woke up, he was disoriented and his head was pounding. He tripped getting out of the bed and hit the floor with a grunt of pain. Jensen came running in at the sound.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to!” Jared found himself apologising with his hands up in the air.

“Don’t apologize for falling out of bed.” Jensen said with a laugh, “I feel like I should apologize to you for trying to fit you into a tiny bed. You’re a lot bigger than the people that usually use my guest room. C’mon, you slept almost the whole day and I’ve got dinner ready for us.”

Jared signed ‘thank you’ before he could stop himself and it made the smile fall off Jensen’s face.

“I know what that means. Why do I know what that means? Is that-sign language? Do you - do you prefer to sign sometimes?”

Jared very carefully closed his hands and put them down by his hips. He nodded and then shook his head.

“M’not supposed to.”

Jensen smiled at him, the kind of smile that made Jared’s body warm and tingly.

“Why not? If that’s how to get you to talk to me I’ll learn it. I want you to be comfortable and happy here.”

***********************************************************************************************

After Jared fell asleep, Jensen immediately grabbed his cellphone and his laptop and dug back into his research. He was getting such mixed signals from Jared and he suspected that a large part of that was the douchebag who’d traded him away and his shady “training.” Because from what Jensen could find with google and a half of a day for research, was that Jared only _kind of_ acted like a submissive. Submissives were the ones that were supposed to, really, be in control of the situation. They were the ones that gave up their power to the dominant partner and in return they were taken care of. Stephen ‘I need a punch in the junk’ Amell seemed to have learned about submissives from a combination of Fifty Shades of Grey and a Slaver’s handbook.

Not that Jensen could count himself as an expert at all; everything he knew he’d learned from google within the last twenty four hours. But he’d reached out to some friends while Jared slept, who put him in touch with other people, who’d given him some basic-yet-bolded bullet points. He’d started writing things down after a while, if only so that he could keep track of all the things he wanted to say to Jared when the boy finally woke up.

He peered at Jared across the kitchen island as he devoured the casserole that Jensen had whipped up for dinner. He knew it wasn’t gourmet, but a kid Jared’s height should be significantly heavier than he was and Jensen knew that he had to help get some meat on his too-thin frame; if that meant cooking calorie-heavy foods then he could certainly do that for as long as Jared felt comfortable with him.

When Jared had eaten all that he could, Jensen told him to leave the dishes in the sink and follow him into the living room again, making sure they both sat on the couch.

“Do you—” He stopped, unsure if his questions were the right way to approach Jared but he could only go with his gut, having no other experience or knowledge to base it on. “Do you want to have rules? Do you need them?” He stopped himself again; he had a million questions to ask but he figured he should try and let Jared answer the questions he’d already asked before bombarding him with more.

“There are always rules,” Jared answered simply and Jensen fought the urge to tug at his hair in frustration.

“Yeah, I know that, but a lot of rules are kind of unspoken. I don’t have rules here but if you need them, if they make you feel safer or better about being here, I can make some for you.” Jensen tried to couch it as a question, neither one of them needed him to start commanding Jared at all.

“You don’t have rules? Why did He give me to you if you don’t have rules?”

Jensen’s mind raced at how to answer. He didn’t want to tell Jared that Stephen ‘I need a hot poker up my ass’ Amell had lost him in a card game like a possession but he also had the strongest urge not to ever lie to Jared.

“It wasn’t… he didn’t give you to me,” he hedged.

“So you bought me from him?” Jared’s forehead creased in confusion.

“No, well, sort of. We’re getting a little off track but, okay, I was playing him in a card game and he lost. You were what he bet.”

“You won me in a card game,” Jared said flatly. It wasn’t even a question. He looked so defeated—even when he’d been crying his eyes out earlier he hadn’t looked so downtrodden.

“Well, yes, but—Jared that doesn’t mean anything other than the fact that he is a human piece of garbage. It says nothing about you.” Jensen wanted to reach out, to pull the boy into his arms again. He’d felt so good there, but he held back and he wasn’t even really sure why, even though he knew it was important. He had to keep his distance.

“So, back to the original question. Do you need rules?” He was going to get an answer from Jared one way or another.

“I think… I mean—I—yes, please. Sir.” Jared finally settled in, though judging by the nauseous look on his face it had cost him some to say it like that. His fingers spelled something out and Jensen couldn’t help but wonder what he was saying. He’d thought, at first, it was some kind of nervous twitch but when it seemed to have a calming effect on Jared he’d payed closer attention and noticed that he could recognize some of what Jared was doing.

“Okay. I can set some rules for you. Do not call me Sir. My name is Jensen and I’d prefer—I mean I _want_ you to call me Jensen. And, uh, sit where you want to in the house. I don’t want you kneeling on the floor unless it’s what you want to do.” He looked over at Jared and some of the tension in his shoulders actually fell away with the commands he was giving. He knew it wasn’t right but if they were going to live together then he was going to have to help Jared feel comfortable in the house. He took a deep breath and continued on, hoping that he wasn’t making anything worse.

“Rule three is the last one but it’s the most important, okay? I need you to speak up. Talk to me. There are no rules about how little or quiet you have to be. I just need you to talk to me. I’m going to learn ASL, since you use it sometimes when you don’t even notice it. Be patient with me about it, though, cause I’m kinda shit with different languages.”

Jared nodded and finally, after what felt like forever, Jensen saw the happy, dimpled smile from the night before. The one that he’d been wanting to see again. How it made Jared so attractive while also making him look so young was something that Jensen stored away to ponder another time. Perhaps during some alone time. In bed. With the door shut.

“Now, with that out of the way—” Jensen was cut off by the doorbell and both men startled at the unexpected sound of it. Jensen checked the clock in the corner and swore; he’d forgotten about Jason’s plans to come over.

“Wait right here, I’ll just—” The bell sounded again and Jensen simultaneously cursed the fact that Jason didn’t have a key and praised it; he didn’t need Jason walking in on this. Not when he didn’t really know what this was.

He ran to the door and pulled it open, making sure to stand in the open part so that Jason couldn’t come in or even see Jared sitting on his couch.

“Jen, man, lemme in. I’ve been waiting all day for a piece of your sweet ass since you blew me off yesterday.” Jason hovered in the doorway and tried to peek past him but Jensen refused to budge.

“Momo, now’s not a good time, man. Can I call you?”

“You got someone in there with you, Jenny? Shoulda texted me you had a date. S’cool. Just, don’t forget your fuck buddy next time you’re making plans.” Just seeing Jason’s handsome, eager face and hearing him say ‘fuck’ had Jensen getting warm all over.

“Well, if it was a date, you’d’ve just ruined it by announcing that my fuck buddy came for a visit,” he offered dryly. He laughed, “Nah, man, it’s not a date. I’d’a told you if it was. Look, now’s just—” He was cut off again but this time it was by Momo’s warm mouth slanting over his, and his clever tongue sliding between his lips. His large hand slipped over the curve of Jensen’s hip and palmed his ass, bringing him in closer until he could feel the giant shape of Momo’s cock digging into his stomach. By the time Jason released him, Jensen had nearly lost track of what he was supposed to be doing, let alone the fact that Jared was just right there and had probably seen the whole tableau.

Reluctantly, Jensen pushed Jason away. “Fuck, the things you do to me. I’ll call you tomorrow. Hell, maybe I’ll call you tonight and we can…talk.” Jensen winked at him and Jason threw his head back to laugh. He heard a sound from behind him and remembered Jared, sitting there, getting to listen and watch everything that was happening.

“Gotta go, later.” With that, he stepped back and shut the door in Momo’s still smiling face. He and Jason had been friends for a long time, fucking each other’s brains out when time and lack of relationships allowed. Not that Jason would ever end up in a relationship; Jensen knew he had a string of men and women that were all in his fuck buddy club. Jason loved everyone and everything and all that came with that.

“Who was that?” Jared asked softly and Jensen had to close his eyes and calm himself down before he could turn to answer the question.

“That was my buddy Jason. You’ll meet him sometime, if you stay here, but I didn’t think now was a good time. Besides, he didn’t, uh, come over to talk.” He rubbed the back of his neck and headed back to the couch to sit down next to Jared. “He’s a lot. He’s really outgoing and nice but he can be a lot to handle the first time you meet him. And since you’ve had kind of a rough day I didn’t want to do that to you.”

“And with me here you couldn’t have sex.” Jared added bluntly.

“I… No… Well, I suppose yes but… It’s complicated. You’re more important right now. And Jason’s kinda loud.” What Jensen didn’t add on is that Jason made him loud in return, with his magic tongue and amazing fucking cock, but that was something Jared didn’t need to hear. At least the comment had made Jared smile again.

“Okay, so, we have some rules. Now, I wanna ask you some questions. Do you think you’re up for that?”

Jared blinked at him for a moment and Jensen could actually see that he was trying to process what Jensen would want to ask him and if he could answer.

“I can...try?” he asked and Jensen nodded at him; that was all he could hope for.

“Well, how about we trade questions? I’ll ask you something and you ask me something? Does that seem fair?” Jensen offered. He watched as Jared contemplated the offer and shyly, slowly nodded. “Alright, I’ll start. How old are you?”

“Twenty…two?” The fact that it was phrased a question scared the hell out of Jensen—who didn’t know how old they were?

It was on the tip of his tongue to ask another question, a follow up, but Jared was already asking his. “Why are you helping me?”

Jensen blew out a breath that he wasn’t aware he’d been holding. “Boy, you’re not going to start off slow, are you? And before you say something, that wasn’t my question.” He sat back into the couch and tried to decide how he was going to answer the question. “I… I’m not really sure? I mean. I just. You seemed like you need a friend, someone that won’t take advantage of you.”

“Thank you.” The words were quiet and came too easy. Jensen knew this was all too easy. It was too smooth and he felt a little bit like Han Solo and his “bad feeling.” He decided to press on, through the bad feeling and the most bizarre 24 hours of his life.

“So, uh, where are you from?”

“I was born in Texas, like I said last night, but I was in the foster system and moved a lot.” Jared didn’t look sad at all over his little confession and Jensen’s mind was racing with yet another hundred questions brought up by that one short statement.

“It’s your turn.” Jensen gently nudged Jared, pressing their knees together.

“I don’t have anything else I want to ask.” Jared replied, his head hanging down and his soft brown hair falling into his face, making Jensen’s fingers itch with the desire to sweep it away.

“Is it okay if I touch you sometimes? Not—” he stuttered, catching himself, “not in a sexual way. Just. I’m kind of a touchy-feely guy. I like hugs and physical contact. I don’t want to upset you but sometimes it’s hard for me to avoid it.”

Jared’s head snapped up and his eyes widened as he looked at Jensen. He looked for a long time, until Jensen felt uncomfortable and twitchy under the stare. He was just about to open his mouth, to take it back and promise that he would keep his distance when he noticed that tears were welling in Jared’s eyes.

“I think I’d like that. He- He didn’t like to touch me except when, you know, he wanted something. And no one else was allowed to touch me unless he was directing it.” Jared sobbed, running out of breath as he spoke, forcing the words out painfully, “Unless he allowed it. Sometimes he shared me, to help with my training, but he was always watching. Always there. Always in control.”

Jensen opened his arms wide and let Jared fall into them. Jared cried quietly in Jensen’s arms, his body not shaking, no sound coming from him, but Jensen could feel the hot wetness of the tears seeping into his shirt. He rubbed his hands up and down Jared’s strong back and tensed his arms, squeezing Jared tight.

After a few minutes, he felt Jared’s breathing even out and the wetness on his shirt began to cool as the fresh tears stopped. He didn’t let go, but all the while he couldn’t help thinking that he was in even moreover his head than he’d suspected. Jared’s body grew heavy and he realized that the boy had finally fallen asleep. Jensen slid out from under Jared’s body and tried to arrange him on the small couch so that he was as comfortable as he was going to get. As he stood there, watching Jared in his exhausted sleep, he realized that he was grinding his teeth and compulsively running his fingers through his hair, making it stand on end.

“I need help,” he whispered to himself and scrambled his mind to think of who could help him. Who wouldn’t judge the situation? Who wouldn’t make him send Jared away, since even though it had only been a day, he couldn’t bring himself to think about sending Jared away. Jared needed help and Jensen needed help to get it for him.

Like a lightbulb going off over his head, Jensen finally realized who he needed. Who, out of all his friends, would be the best person to bring in for advice. Jeff was the perfect person to help. He was a few years older than Jensen himself and knew everyone and a little bit about everything. They’d met years ago when Jensen had just come to the city, a Texas twink on a mission to become an actor, and Jeff had taken him under his wing. He was always there for Jensen with advice about anything he could ever need.

Jensen headed towards his bedroom to grab his phone off the charger, seeing a message, finally, from Felicia asking what had happened the night before. He reiterated that she was never to speak to, see or even be in the same room with Amell, the fucker, and that she should come by later in the week to get her things and that he would explain to her then.

He snuck through the house, grabbing a beer from the fridge and heading out the back door to sit on the porch as he dialed Jeff’s number.

“Jen? It’s been too long, kiddo, how are you?” Jeff’s happy voice sounded in his ear and he took a long sip of beer before answering.

“I’m in a complicated situation and I need your help.”

Jeff laughed a little, as Jensen knew he would, and he could picture Jeff easing himself down onto his couch and getting comfortable. “So, why don’t you tell me a little about what’s going on? Or would you rather I come over? I can hop on my bike and be there in fifteen?” Jeff offered and Jensen had to stop himself from shouting with mingled joy and terror. He needed to tell Jeff everything before he came over to see the situation with his own eyes.

“As much as I’d love to see you and have this conversation in person, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come over right now. I have a house guest and he’s kind of the reason I’m calling.” Referring to Jared as a house guest was about as ridiculous as saying that New York was a little different than Texas, but for now, until he was able to really get into the situation, it would have to do.

“Start talking, Jen.” Jeff’s voice brooked no argument and Jensen didn’t want to anyway; he told him everything. Every last detail, even the embarrassing ones from that morning.

“Wow.” It was a breath more than it was a word, and it was the only thing Jeff had said since Jensen started talking. Though Jeff stayed silent the whole time he was talking, rambling, going off on a tangent and wrangling himself back, he could practically hear the way Jeff’s eyebrows rose in shock at the tale. Jensen finally fell silent and finished his beer, tipping the bottle into the recycling container off the porch and he waited.

“So lemme get this straight—you played a poker game with some disgusting douchebag and won the rights to a human being, and when said person was dropped on you, you actually took him home instead of, I don’t know, going to the cops? Now it turns out he’s some kinda traumatized kid, that you have the hots for, and you don’t know what to do. Did I sum it up about right?”

Jensen fought the urge to refute some of Jeff’s rough sketch of the situation but as he opened his mouth, he realized it was a pretty succinct summary. He scratched at the back of his head and said nothing to the sound of Jeff’s laughter.

“Why didn’t you go to the cops Jen?” Jensen opened and closed his mouth a few times before clearing his throat and settling on the basic truth, “He begged me not to. He was in the foster system his whole life until that cock-thistle pulled him off the streets. He doesn’t trust any one in a uniform and I kinda can’t blame him. Add to that he’s over eighteen and aside from the fact that he’s too skinny there’s no outward sign of abuse. You and I both know without visual proof, cops will do nothing but traumatize him even more, maybe even humiliate him. Can’t put him through that.” Jensen blew out a breath and hoped that he hadn’t betrayed Jared’s confidences too much.

“Okay, well, I still think I oughta come over and meet him. You guys good for the night and I can come tomorrow? I’m gonna talk to a few people, no details, and get some info before I come over. Can you hold out that long?”

Jensen rolled his eyes as he answered, “No, I was kinda hoping you could wave your magic wand and make it all better right now.”

“Don’t sass me. I’ll have you know my wand is magic but you and I decided long ago that it would be better if I didn’t wave it at you.”

Jensen startled out a laugh. He and Jeff had flirted pretty heavily back in the days when they’d just met, Jeff was a very attractive older Daddy type, but in the end they both decided that they were better as friends than they ever would be as lovers of any sort. Not that it kept them from flirting outrageously and confusing the hell out of their common friends.

“Awww Daddy.” Jensen always got just a little dirty thrill whenever he jokingly called Jeff that and the way that, when done in person, Jeff’s eyes would darken. Jensen shook his head; maybe he should have kept his date with Jason, he was suddenly sex-obsessed.

“Don’t you start that with me kiddo, you’re not so big I can’t put you over my knee.” Jensen felt his body tingle at the thought of that and blew out a heavy breath into the night air. “You sure you’re alright kiddo?”

“S’just… messin’ with my head a little. And he is really hot and I had plans with Jason tonight but we broke ‘em off so Jared wouldn’t be uncomfortable and maybe I’m just a little horny.” He reached down and palmed his cock through his jeans and let out a shuddering breath.

“Well,” Jeff’s voice sounded in his ear and it wasn’t making him any less aroused, “you got two options, I think. You can head inside and take a cold shower…” Jeff trailed off and Jensen winced at the idea. It was the best option for him when he needed to cool off, he’d learned that a long time ago. Actor or not, sometimes, on stage during love scenes, things got a little overheated and he needed to know how to cool himself off quickly and efficiently. “Or, “Jeff continued, his voice dropping down to sound whiskey and arousal heavy. Jensen’s whole body throbbed with want.

“Or?” he asked, knowing that he was whining, his hand digging harder into the bulge of his cock in his pants. His hips were rocking against his hand and anyone who saw him at that moment would instantly know what he was doing.

“Or you could go into your room, lock the door and call your damn fuck buddy for some phone sex cause you and I aren’t doing this, Jen. We both know better.” And Jensen did, he really did, but there was something about Jeff, who knew just how to take care of him, just what to say and do and how to say and do it that made him so fucking hot. Phone sex with Jason couldn’t compare.

“Daddy.” It was a whisper, barely there but Jensen knew that Jeff heard him. He could tell by the sucked in breath and the shuddering exhale. He could tell from the deep silence on the other end of the line; it was the sound of someone thinking.

“No, Jen. I won’t start this with you. You got too much going on. Go inside your house and go lock yourself in your bedroom. Get out that not-so-little toy you got hidden in there somewhere and take care of it yourself. I’ll see you in the morning.” With a click, Jeff was gone and Jensen whimpered.

The walk back to his room was agony. Jensen stopped, of course, in the living room to check on Jared who was still sleeping soundly, before making his way to his bedroom. He did as Jeff told him to, shutting and locking the door and pulling out the dildo he kept for special occasions. He pulled all of his clothes off and lay down on his bed, not taking the time to tease at all. His body knew this fake cock so well it took the bare minimum of prep and not a small amount of lube before Jensen was rocking it in and out of his hole, fast enough that his arm muscles burned with each movement. He thumbed the head of his cock, spreading the wetness around and around the slit, touching nothing else, his mind blissfully empty. It didn’t take long.

When he was cleaned up, in pajamas and the door was open again, Jensen found himself laying on his back on his bed and staring up at the ceiling to think. He wondered briefly about the way he’d taken Jeff’s orders so well. He thought about that and it got all mixed up with the thoughts of Jared and his training and wondered if that was how Jared felt when he was being told what to do.

He groaned and rolled onto his stomach, hitching one leg up to ease the ache in his ass. He finally fell asleep with the words “what are we going to do” repeating over and over in his head.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Jared woke up on the couch bewildered. He took a moment to recall the events of the day before; the embarrassing wake up for Jensen and the talking, the crying, then sleeping and talking more. He remembered the non-visit from Jensen’s more-than friend and how awful he’d felt that Jensen couldn’t keep his plans now that he was around.

He was supposed to make his master happy and make his life easier. That’s what Stephen had been telling him for the last few years anyway. That was his whole purpose; follow the rules, do as you’re told and make the person in charge happy. He couldn’t imagine how angry Jensen was with him at how bad he’d been since Jensen took him home.

Jared stumbled into the bathroom for a long piss, his bladder complaining at how distended it was from his sleeping most of the day away yesterday. He brushed his teeth with the toothbrush Jensen had given him the day before and headed into the kitchen. Jensen wasn’t awake yet, which meant that Jared had a chance to do things right. He knew how to handle the kitchen and breakfast was easy.

He set the coffee to brew while he rummaged in the cupboards and fridge for something to cook; Jensen didn’t have much. There were a few eggs and some vegetables and some lunch meat that didn’t smell off, so Jared set out to make scrambled omelettes.

Jensen wandered blearily into the kitchen just as Jared was putting the eggs onto a plate. He set it on the countertop next to a cup of coffee and a fork and waited. Jensen took a deep sip of coffee, sighing with pleasure as he set the mug down on the countertop.

“Can’t believe you spent the night all folded up on the couch but still got up to make breakfast. Thank you Jared. This...this is really good.”

Pleasure rang out through Jared’s body with the praise. His fingers twitched through the motions of thank you, happy, and good before he could stop them and Jensen smiled at him. “You’re welcome. When you do something nice for someone they should thank you, and I’ll always try to remember that. I got manners.”

The doorbell rang out in the silence and Jared jumped. He watched as Jensen’s eyes searched out the clock on the stove. “Shit, he’s earlier than I thought,” he mumbled and dashed off to the door before Jared could say a word.

Jared stood awkwardly in the kitchen for a moment as two soft voices sounded in the hallway before he heard the thump of footfalls coming towards the kitchen. He knew he shouldn’t just be standing in the way of whomever was coming inside so he shuffled off to the side of the room to be as unobtrusive as he could be.

“Jared? Oh, there you are. C’mere, this is Jeff. He’s a good friend of mine. I called him last night and he wanted to come over and meet you.” Jensen’s eyes were bright with excitement as he walked over to where Jared was standing and trailing him was an older man, with intelligent brown eyes and salt and pepper hair.

“Jared, right?” His voice was low and soothing and Jared felt himself lulled out of his frightened state. He wasn’t used to people wanting to talk to him, he was used to people wanting him out of the way. Jeff held out a hand and Jared grasped at it weakly.

“Hi.”

“Hi. Did I interrupt your breakfast? I’m sorry,” Jeff offered, waving a hand at Jensen’s half finished plate but Jared shook his head.

“That’s for Jensen,” he said simply as Jeff pulled him back out of the kitchen and into the living room. He followed along, feeling coltish and clumsy as he was gestured down onto the couch next to the newcomer.

“Right, yeah, I’m just going to finish my incredible breakfast.” Jensen waved from the kitchen. “You two get to know each other.”

Jared said nothing as he withstood the silent perusal from Jeff. The man seemed confident and smart and with a sinking feeling, Jared realized why he was here.

“Are you my new owner? I’m sorry I was so bad but I can be better. I can work—”

Jeff cut off his nearly hysterical statement with a hand. “No one owns you Jared. Not Jensen and not me.”

Jared felt his face fall. Jensen hadn’t even tried anything with him, but he was already letting Jared be shared around.

“You want to be owned?” Jeff asked softly, keeping a polite distance.

“I don’t like to be shared.” Jared swallowed; he remembered when Jensen told him yesterday to speak up and talk but this wasn’t Jensen in front of him and it was a very bad thing to insult someone new right away.

“You’re not being shared either, kiddo. Jensen wants you to stay here, he called me because he thought I might be able to help you become a little bit more like yourself. Learn yourself. Do you wanna do that?”

Jared wasn’t sure what Jeff meant by that, so he said nothing. It sounded like gibberish to him. “I want to stay here,” he said cautiously.

“That’s good. Me and Jen were just thinking that maybe you’ve spent so long being what other people want you to be that you don’t know what _you_ want to be. And, since I’m the smartest person that sweet Jenny knows, he thought I could help.” Jared cracked a smile at the look on Jeff’s face when they heard and offended “hey!” from where Jensen was in the kitchen. “Do you think you might feel comfortable talking to me? We can even make Jensen stay in the other room if you don’t want him to hear it.”

He didn’t know why, but Jared wanted to trust Jeff. There was something about him that made Jared believe everything he was saying. He found himself nodding his head before he had a chance to overthink it.

“Jen! Why don’t you get outta the house for a while, huh? Me and Jared have stuff we gotta talk about and we want it to be just us for a while.” Jeff never took his eyes off Jared while he spoke, keeping Jared from getting too worked up about asking Jensen to leave his own house. He and Jeff said nothing more while Jensen got dressed, grabbed his keys and, with a look that was clearly saying a lot at Jeff, left the house with a smile on his face.

“He doesn’t mind. I told him when I got here this morning that I would feel more comfortable if he wasn’t here, I just wanted to check and make sure you were okay with it just being me and you for a while. He has things he can do, like go and buy groceries for one. You’re still a growing boy, you gotta eat more than the scraps and leftovers he’s used to having.” Jared nodded, only half paying attention to the words, far more interested in the kind but curious look on Jeff’s face.

“How do you want to start, Jared?” The panic must have finally shown on Jared’s face with that kind, soft question because Jeff immediately took it back. “Wait. Don’t get yourself all worked up kiddo. It’s okay. How about I ask you some questions?”

Jared nodded, he’d answered questions with Jensen the night before and that had been okay. “As long as you don’t want me to ask any back. That’s what we did last night. He asked me then I asked him and I ran out of things to ask.” Jared watched as Jeff smiled bigger and shook his head back and forth.

“Between you and me? I love that kid but sometimes he doesn’t really think before he jumps into something. Which is a great thing in a bar fight when he’s got your back but in most situations…not so much.” Jeff shifted on the couch, sitting back into the soft cushions even more as he regarded Jared. “Alright, so if you feel okay with it, I’ll ask you questions and you can answer them. Before we get started, I wanna tell you that you can tell me anything. I won’t tell anyone anything you don’t want me to, not even Jen. But, that means that I need you to be totally honest. Can you handle that?”

He felt scared but ready, ready to make something change. Ready to make his life better. Jared looked deep into Jeff’s eyes, seeing no lie there. He nodded.

Jeff smiled and it lit up his whole face. “Alright then, let’s get started.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jensen nudged the door shut with his foot and was glad to hear laughter coming from the back porch; it seemed that Jeff and Jared had migrated outside during their little talk. Part of Jensen was relieved that Jared seemed willing to talk to Jeff but there was a tiny part of him that wanted to be able to be that for Jared. He wanted to fix him. He wanted to do it all, which was ridiculous for lots of reasons, number one being that he didn’t have the first clue what he was doing.

He didn’t want to intrude or hear something that Jared wasn’t ready for him to hear so he stayed in the kitchen, making enough noise as he put the groceries away that they would be alerted that he was home. He was tucking the bread into a corner on the counter when they came inside.

Jared looked good, his cheeks were flushed and his eyes were bright with excitement and he didn’t immediately look to the floor, but actually met Jensen’s eyes and smiled.

“Dimples.” Jensen offered inanely, making Jeff snort out a laugh and causing the flush on Jared’s cheeks to deepen.

“Is it okay....” Jared trailed off after a not-so-subtle cough from Jeff, and he straightened his spine. “I’m going to go take a shower now. So that you guys can talk.”

Jeff nodded and smiled while he and Jensen watched Jared walk away towards the back of the house and the bathroom. Jensen felt himself flush when he noticed that Jeff wasn’t watching Jared as much as he was watching Jensen watch him.

“Jenny, my boy. The things that you get yourself into. Let’s head out back. I need more fresh air and a beer.”

“It’s like eleven am.” Jensen made a token protest even as he grabbed two beers from the fridge and followed Jeff onto the porch.

“I’m gonna start by saying that I can’t tell you everything. I made that sweet boy a promise and I’m not gonna break it. He’s never had anyone to trust before, not _ever_ , Jen, and I’m gonna make sure I’m the first person.”

Jensen swallowed his beer and with it a large feeling of regret; he’d barely known the kid for two days and yet he was already jealous that he trusted Jeff but not him. Jeff, mastermind that he was, knew exactly what he was thinking.

“He’ll get there with you but right now, in his head, you own him. He’s been something to be owned since he was a baby. He can’t trust you yet. But he trusts me to tell you some of the things that you need to know.”

Jeff took a deep breath and a large sip of beer. He kicked his heels up to rest on the railing and chewed on his lip for a moment. Jensen knew he was trying to figure out where to start, how to start, but it felt like he was drawing it out to see how patient Jensen could be. Jensen mirrored his pose with a pout; he could be patient.

“That poor kid needs serious help,” Jeff started quietly. Jensen glanced at him out of the corner of his eye but dragged his eyes back to the treeline at the back of the lawn.

“He’s…he had a daily word limit. Sometimes he’s gonna fall silent, or make small gestures instead of talking. He was told that he was too big, too loud, that he ate too much, slept too much any and all of that since he was just a little kid. The shit with that ass bag that gave him to you is just the tip of the iceberg.”

Jensen swallowed back his tears; he couldn’t imagine growing up like that. If this was just the least bit of details that Jeff was allowed to share with him he could barely imagine how much more there was to come. If Jared could handle living it and still find a smile, then Jensen could bear to hear it.

“He’s still a virgin. He wanted me to make sure you knew that. You confuse the hell outta that boy. Pretty sure he can tell that you want him, but he has never been around someone who wanted without taking.” Jeff sighed and put a hand over his eyes, “He thinks he wants you too but that poor kid is so torn up and confused as all hell he doesn’t know what he wants. It’s gonna take a long while before you guys can get there, if you ever do.”

Jensen parted his lips, intending on saying something but Jeff held up a hand for silence before he dropped it to Jensen’s knee.

“Amell trained him to be used. That he was a thing to be played with when it was convenient for the person doing the using. He made Jared feel small, made him want to be smaller, even more than he did before that fucker picked him up off the streets.” Jeff was shaking with anger now and Jensen put his hand over Jeff’s stroking his thumb across the knuckles soothingly.

“I don’t know a lot about dominants and submissives, never been my kind of scene, but I did some research before I came over. Talked to some friends. He wasn’t trained to be a sub, he was trained to be a _body slave_.” Jeff sounded broken at this point and Jensen felt pretty much the same even though this was all info he’d figured out.

“The Fifty-shades kind of BDSM,” Jensen offered quietly and Jeff chuckled before shaking his head.

“It’s okay to laugh a little, but it’s serious, Jen. This kid needs professional help.” Jensen nodded but before he could say something in agreement, Jeff handed him a business card. “Luckily, Daddy has connections.”

They shared a look and small smile between them as Jensen took the card and their fingertips brushed together.

“I already talked to Jared and you and he are gonna make an appointment. Vicky specializes in this kind of abuse. She’s a damn good psychotherapist and even better friend. Her husband is big in the scene.” Jensen was about to ask what kind of scene when he heard movement in the kitchen and they both turned to see Jared, freshly cleaned with water dripping from the tips of his hair, digging through the cabinets.

“Better feed that growing boy,” Jeff said with an edge to his voice. “I want you to take care of him. He’s sweet, he’s scared, and he’s your responsibility.” Jeff grabbed his wrist to make sure that Jensen was paying attention to what he was saying.

“He’s not a puppy,” Jensen replied, shoving himself out of his chair and walking towards the back door.

“You’re right, he’s not. Doesn't make you any less responsible. You’re a smart kid and you know I love you but I’m already taken with that boy and he needs someone to care for him. He needs someone to look out for him. He needs someone to keep it in their pants.”

Jensen stood outside the door and breathed heavily, fighting the impulse to punch Jeff for the comment. “I can—”

Jeff held up his hand again and Jensen had the childish impulse to bite his fingers. “I know you can control yourself. Sometimes you leap without looking or thinking and I’m telling you, no, I’m asking you, to think before you leap here. I can see he’s a good looking kid. I can see you’re attracted to him. He’s tantalizing, I get it. He’s also your type. But he’s got some stuff to figure out before you two go jumping into the sack. You gotta take this one slow and that is only if you get there. He’s not yours and there is no guarantee he will be.” Jeff stepped up close enough that they were sharing breath. “If you need something, someone, you’ve got your Jason and if you’re really in need then I can talk you through some things like I did for you last night, but he needs stability without sex. You gotta be a good guy here. You can’t be treating him nice and helping him grow and thinking all along that someday you’re gonna hop in the sack. It’s not a foregone conclusion. So, take your time. Get to know him. Be his friend. If it becomes more than that, when the time comes, he will let you know he’s ready. It may not be in words, it may be subtle, but you’ll both know.”

Jensen nodded as he chewed on the inside of his cheek and turned to pull the door open to head back into the house.

“Have a good shower?” He asked, full of false cheer and bravado. He could do this. He could be Jared’s friend. He could put all the attraction aside. He could be what Jared needed and that was a friend, a mentor, a protector. He didn’t need someone who was just waiting to get into his pants.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Vicky’s office was small and filled with knick-knacks, tchotchkes and all kinds of things that distracted Jared from the moment he stepped through the door and closed it behind him. Jensen was out in the waiting room, refusing to leave the building in case Jared needed him for whatever reason. He looked happy but worried as Jared smiled while closing the door.

Vicky was a short, slender woman with big glasses, long black hair and a narrow face. Like when he’d met Jeff, Jared felt at ease in her presence, though not immediately ready to spill all his secrets. In the few weeks between making the appointment and actually being here, he’d come a long way. He mostly forgot about the daily word count limits and the rules about making himself small and out of the way. He talked now, with his full voice. He laughed loudly when Jensen was being funny and didn’t worry about if he was going to get in trouble for it. He still felt like it was his job to take care of Jensen, to make him food and clean up after him, but Jensen liked to turn up the music in the kitchen really loud and sing and dance as they cleaned together; it helped. Jensen was good to him and sometimes Jared didn’t understand why.

“Jared. I’m so glad you’re here. Do you want to sit down?” Vicky smiled and didn’t make any attempt to touch him, or even shake his hand and he was grateful for that. He was still a little unsure of proper personal space and touching rules and it made him nervous when someone that wasn’t Jensen tried to touch him.

He sat on the end of the couch with his back straight and arms not touching anything. He tried to smile, but he knew it was a little off by the way Vicky’s eyebrows rose over the top of her glasses. “Are you nervous?”

“Yes and no? I don’t know how I feel right now. I…don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”

Vicky cocked her head to the side and regarded Jared through her glasses. She smiled again before licking her lips and starting to speak. “Well, usually I just ask people to talk about themselves. Tell me what’s going on in their lives. Tell me what they want to work on in the context of therapy and bettering their situations.”

Jared felt the color drain out of his face; he couldn’t tell someone all that. He chewed at the inside of his cheek as he and Vicky looked at each other across the small space of her office.

“Maybe that won’t work right now. There’s nothing that you have to say. I’m not expecting anything out of this except getting to know you and I hope helping you sort out some thoughts and feelings. You seemed to have been able to tell me a little bit of what’s going on when we made the appointment, yes? Is being in the same room with me making you uncomfortable?”

Jared shook his head and felt some of the tension run out of his spine. “No, you don’t make me nervous. It’s just that sometimes I start talking and I can’t stop and no one wants to listen to me talk about all the things in my head.” He shook his head so that his hair fell into his face, hiding him a little bit.

“That’s not true. I want to hear all about you. Can we start small? Do you want to tell me about your week? Details or not, just tell me about the week after you made the appointment or this week leading up to it. How you felt, what you were doing. How you’re spending your time. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

“Oh, okay, I can do that. Jensen took me shopping for some clothes of my own on Monday, I haven’t ever gone clothes shopping before, so that was a lot of fun. He said he could afford to take some time off work since he won all that money from Stephen when he won me. I was so scared when I was told that I was leaving Stephen’s house to go home with a stranger; I don’t have a lot of luck with good strangers. But Jensen is really nice and he makes me laugh and he has a nice house and he lets me cook and I only have to clean up when I make a mess and I have my own bed with my own room, isn’t that great? He’s so smart and nice and pretty.” Jared paused to take a breath and blinked up at Vicky who was still smiling at him, though there was more kindness in her eyes when she looked at him now. “I was supposed to tell you about my week, I’m sorry.”

“Jared. There are no rules here. You can talk about whatever you want to talk about and it sounds to me like you want to talk about Jensen and not your week. That’s okay, I just wanted to get you talking.” She paused, making a scratchy note on the paper in front of her. “Is Jensen the man that came with you?”

Jared nodded goofily, his smile lighting up the room. Vicky leaned in close and held a hand up to her face like she was going to whisper a secret to him. “He IS really pretty.”

Jared slumped back into the couch and laughed. “He really is, isn’t he? It’s distracting. But it’s not just his face. Sometimes he talks with his whole body, it’s weird. Like his hands move and his hips wiggle and he makes the funniest faces.  Sometimes it’s like he’s speaking a language that I can’t understand. I’m trying to learn it, whatever it is he’s saying to me but...I know I didn’t go to school but I’ve never felt stupid before…”

Vicky leaned forward, “Before what, Jared? Before Jensen? Does he make you feel less intelligent?”

“No! It’s not his fault, not really. But all my life, people have acted a certain way around me and he doesn’t act like that. He’s nicer and he cares, but sometimes he gets these looks on his face or he moves in a certain way and it’s like I would know what that face or that movement meant if it was anyone else but not with him? Does that make any sense?”

“I think I know what you mean. Jared, you’ve been in an odd situation your whole life, from what you told me over the phone. You’ve been sheltered, which is usually not the worst thing, but for you it wasn’t the best of situations to be sheltered in. I think for a little while, maybe even a long while, you’re going to have confusing reactions to certain everyday situations. It’s okay. Stay enthusiastic about the little things. Don’t let yourself be jaded like the rest of us boring grownups.”

Jared smiled and relaxed fully, the last of the tension in his spine draining out of him as he looked across the table at Vicky. “You’re nice. I like you,” he confessed honestly and nearly giggled aloud at the flush that stained Vicky’s cheeks.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jensen stayed as calm as possible while waiting for Jared’s therapist to call him into the office with them. Jared had a few visits, coming out of each one with a smile that made Jensen warm from his head to his toes. He loved Jared’s smile. He loved a lot of things about Jared and he was starting to be a little concerned that he was already more than a little in love with Jared. Full stop.

Vicky was polite and helpful. She was nice and Jensen could tell that she cared about Jared a lot even though they’d only had a few sessions over the course of a few weeks. He didn’t contribute much to the conversation, only reaching out to touch Jared when it seemed that he needed support.

He couldn’t help himself but smile when Jared laughed and talked about himself. He seemed so totally comfortable in that room, talking about himself, their life, the things they did together. He was radiant. He glowed.

At the end of the hour, all three of them stood. Vicky stepped close, giving Jared a professional hug before stepping back. “Jared, thank you. Could you step outside while I speak with Jensen for a moment? If that’s okay with Jensen of course?”

Jensen nodded and turned towards Jared, who looked scared. He couldn’t stop himself but reaching out and squeezing his bicep. “It’ll be okay, promise. I’ll be right out.”

Jared swallowed and headed towards the door, shutting it behind him. Jensen sat back down on the couch and looked up to see Vicky watching him with inscrutable eyes. “Jensen, so—how do you really feel about Jared? You didn’t talk much today, which is fine, it was meant for Jared anyway.”

Jensen felt pierced by the look in Vicky’s brown eyes. “I care for him,” he answered, cautiously. She wasn’t his therapist after all.

“You want him,” she replied. It wasn’t a question.

“No!” he protested automatically, “I mean, he’s incredible. I don’t know everything about what he’s been through but I know enough. He’s so smart and sweet and caring and happy, even after all the shitty things that life has thrown his way. I care for him, truly I do, but as to wanting him…” He trailed off. Did he want Jared? He’d been oversexed the last few weeks with him but it wasn’t anything totally new. He and Jason had been meeting up more often, fucking each others brains out until Jensen thought his bow-legs were more pronounced but he was sure that it didn’t have anything to do with Jared. He looked up at Vicky to see her with one eyebrow raised, waiting for him to leave the thoughts in his own head and rejoin the conversation.

“You project it even if you don’t realize it. Jared is picking up the cues from you even though he doesn’t really understand what they are. Jared has never been with someone that wanted without taking before.”

Jensen fought the urge to jump up and pace. He thought he knew what was coming next but he didn’t want it to be real. “You think he would be better off not living with me, right?”

If he didn’t even recognize the signs in himself but Jared was picking up on it, then maybe Jared would be safer away from him. Just the thought of Jared leaving made his outlook on life a little bit more grim. Jared was sunshine and rainbows and all good things. In the month and a half since Jared had come to live with him, Jensen had noticed so many positive changes in the both of them. His thoughts scattered about, thinking about how he could help Jared even with Jared leaving him when Vicky spoke up again.

“Just the opposite actually. He’s learning positive things from you. He’s not had a lot of stability in his life, to put it mildly, and I think you’re good for him. Dependable, trustworthy, intelligent and funny. You’re a good person, and Jared certainly needs more good people and good experiences in his life. However, there is something that he wants and he is afraid to ask. He’d like to go to school. He never did, not with any consistency. He doesn’t even have a high school diploma.”

It took a moment for Jensen to pull himself back into the conversation and his head was spinning. Everything that Vicky was saying was completely off from what he was expecting from her that it was throwing him off balance in the worst kind of way.

Hypothetically, he knew that Jared hadn’t had a chance for any kind of education, but to hear it laid out like that was a little shocking. In this day and age who didn’t have a diploma?

“You work in the city, right? Could you take Jared in with you when you work? I’ve looked into some GED programs for him to start with and from there he could decide what kind of additional college he’d like to look into. He’s a smart kid. He deserves a chance, do you think?” Vicky prodded and Jensen didn’t even think about disagreeing with her.

“Jared deserves everything,” he said aloud without thinking about it. He looked up to see Vicky smiling at him.

“There’s one other thing I’d like to speak with you about, all kind of tied together with everything else that we’ve been talking about.” Jensen stayed very still, trying not to let his thoughts leap ahead of what Vicky might say. He’d been wrong with every prediction he’d made so far and he didn’t really need to have to yank himself out of downtrodden, sad thoughts to come back to the conversation again. “He’s going to meet people. He’s going to socialize with people. People other than you. People you can’t control in ways that you can’t control. Now, I know that Jared, and you, wouldn’t be here if you wanted to control him and his actions but I wanted to warn you. I can see how much you care about him already.” Vicky stopped, rubbing her eyes beneath her glasses wearily.

“You don’t want me to break his heart, right?”

With a sad laugh, Vicky sat back in her chair and regarded him levelly. “Actually, I’m afraid that he will break yours. Jared is an intelligent young man but painfully naive. I’d estimate his emotional age at about fourteen. He’s going to have crushes, he’s going to rebel against the only authority that he has in his life, once he gets a taste of the world. That’s you and that’s me. I suspect that it will be subtle, I don’t think Jared will ever have it in him to be bold and loud like most kids and teenagers, but it will be rough going for a while. He’s here to learn to be the person that he was meant to be, to find out who he really is under all the abuse he’s suffered in his life. Without someone telling him to keep quiet all the time and to make himself smaller.”

Jensen tried to recall the idiot things he’d done in the latter half of his teens, the way he’d been with his family and his peers, and visibly winced. Hopefully Jared wouldn’t be quite as much of a dick to those around him as he’d been. He mentioned as much aloud and Vicky nodded.

“Well, that is the hope. So, that’s all I wanted to speak to you about. I suggest that you and Jared sit down and figure out when you’ll next be going into the city. Talk to him about finding GED classes, and what he thinks he might like to study in college classes. Make it work.”

Jensen stood and shook Vicky’s hand, his mind racing through a million thoughts. He made his way over towards the door but stopped and turned back with his hand on the doorknob at the sound of his name. Vicky was holding out a small folder of papers. “I don’t know how much Jeff told you, but my husband is a professional Switch. This is his contact information as well as info about the clubhouse nearby and a listing of a few munches. If you don’t know what that is, the info is in the packet as well. If you have need of his type of services with Jared and your relationship. He’s well versed in the types of abuses and training that Jared may have received and he can try and help undo a lot of the damage.” There was a light flush over her face as she spoke and Jensen was speechless at it.

“Are you… embarrassed?” He asked, head cocked to the side to look at her curiously.

“No, well, not really. I know it seems odd. Misha and I have been together since our teens. We’ve had a few times where we were apart but never for very long. Our fields go hand in hand, usually but,” she licked her lips and locked her gaze onto the back of the door, no longer meeting Jensen’s eyes, “not to get too personal, here, it’s his job. Not our home life. Sometimes it’s harder for him to separate the two than it is for me.” Vicky pressed her lips together and finally met his eyes, a parody of a smile on her face. “That is a story for another time, I think, when we can be just friends instead of therapist and patient.”

He took the information and headed out into the waiting room, the heaviness in his heart lifting at the bright smile that Jared aimed at him. Jared didn’t say anything, they were still working with him feeling like he could speak and ask any questions he wanted, but he didn’t need to. He insinuated himself next to Jensen, their shoulders brushing as they headed silently out to the car.

“Dude, your doctor gave me homework,” Jensen teased as they got in the car, shaking the file of papers in Jared’s general direction. “But that’s okay, once you’re in school we can do homework together, right?” Jensen was unprepared for the enthusiastic hug from Jared, so much so that it knocked the air out of his lungs as he was dragged across the bench seat.

“Does this mean I can go to school?” Jared asked softly, the words practically whispered into Jensen’s hair.

“Of course. You gotta have all the fun that the rest of us got for years. Mean teachers and too much reading and math, oh god math. I don’t envy you at all.” Jensen paused, hoping that his next words wouldn’t send Jared into a tailspin the way he seemed to sometimes when Jensen wasn’t able to express himself just right. “You know, you could have just asked me, That would have been okay. I mean, you didn’t have to tell Vicky and then have her ask me.” He tried to keep any tone out of his voice but when he chanced a look over at Jared’s face, he’d failed.

Jared looked crushed, nearly heartbroken.

Jensen scrambled to explain himself. “I’m not mad at you. I’m not even disappointed. I just.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair before railing his palm over his baby’s steering wheel soothingly. “I just want you to feel safe in telling me things. I want you to feel safe asking for things. And yeah, I mean, sometimes I might say no but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask.”

The drive home, which should have been happy, was somber instead. When they arrived back at Jensen’s small house, Jared unfolded himself from the front seat and fairly trudged into the house, leaving Jensen staring at his back and wondering what he could do to make it up to him. With a sigh, he turned and leaned up against his car, tilting his head up to the sky as he thought about the day’s events.

Nothing that happened or was said in Vicky’s office was what he’d been expecting. His mind had immediately gone to places where Jared was going to be taken away from him, where no one thought it was okay that he was taking care of Jared. He scuffed his boot on the driveway and looked up at the house with a sigh. Jared wanted to stay with him. Vicky and Jeff both thought that Jared should stay. He wanted Jared to stay, so why was he constantly thinking that someone was going to come take Jared away? What did that say about him? He tried to think objectively, but shook his head angrily when he couldn’t concentrate, only able to think about marching up to the house and making Jared feel better. Seeing some dimples; that would make both of them feel better.

He thought about what she’d said to him, about worrying that Jared was going to break his heart. He thought about what he didn’t say to her in response, which was that Jared pretty much already had.

Jensen had had a good thing, sex with Jason and flirting with Jeff and friendships with everyone else. He hadn’t needed anything else, or so he had thought. But the first week that Jared spent with him opened his eyes.

To be needed so completely by another person was intoxicating and scary. And, yet, somehow wonderful too. He quickly grew to love being the person that Jared depended upon. He grew to enjoy the way that Jared looked to him for answers. It wasn’t about sex. It wasn’t about the way that Jensen’s libido was back at teenage levels.

Sometimes, late at night or very early in the morning, he thought about that first morning when he’d woken up with his cock between those perfect lips and shining hazel eyes looking up at him. It was hard to forget the way that Jared’s mouth had felt around him. They had moments during the days too, where he’d reach up to push Jared’s hair out of his face and the moment would go hazy, the tension thick between them. Sometimes when he reached out to touch Jared he half expected literal sparks when he made contact.

He paced up and down his driveway, waving his hands and having an imaginary argument with himself. He wanted to give Jared everything. He wanted to make him smile every day and dance in the kitchen while they did dishes. He wanted to sit on the tiny couch and watch action movies on their oversized tv at night. He wanted to have Jared around him all the time just to make the world a little bit brighter. Yeah, he was in love with Jared.

He was so fucked. He peeked up at the house and could see Jared’s silhouette through the living room window, sitting very still and holding a book in his hands. He squared his shoulders, put his hands down at his sides and walked up to his house.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was something bothering Jensen but Jared couldn’t tell what it was and he didn’t know the right words to ask. For the first time since their first night together, a time that Jared didn’t like to think about, they didn’t cook dinner. Jensen seemed to feel like he had to apologize for something, but wouldn’t tell him what, and decided that he wanted to take Jared out to dinner.

Being in public made Jared nervous. He didn’t have his rules to wrap around him and keep him safe anymore. He could feel every set of eyes on him and he knew exactly what they were thinking. They thought he was too tall, too loud, too broken, to be sitting near them. They didn’t want his kind near their children.

They knew he was broken and that he was dirty.

It was times like this that he almost missed the way Stephen treated him as a slave. He could straighten his back, keep his eyes forward and focus on that instead of feeling all the judging horrible looks that people were sending his way.

He was curled into the booth, back in the corner and nearly whimpering when Jensen moved to his side. Slowly, slow enough that Jared could have stopped it if he wanted to, Jensen reached out and placed his hand around the back of Jared’s neck, protecting it.

It reminded him of his collar and he immediately relaxed, sighing and pressing into the touch of Jensen’s hand. The hand remained there all through dinner, moving only for Jensen to stroke his thumb up and down the side of Jared’s neck whenever someone moved to close to their table or when he was speaking with the waiter.

Jared said nothing the entire time. In fact, Jared said nothing the whole ride back to the house, until the front door was shut and locked behind them. “I like it when you touch me.” Jared bit his tongue when Jensen whipped around, eyes wide and trained on him.

“What?” It was a breath, a gasp, but Jared heard it anyway. He stepped closer, closer than he usually stood and well within what Jensen called his ‘personal bubble.’

“I like it when you touch me. It makes me feel good, safe, calm.” Jared watched as Jensen sagged with some emotion he didn’t have a name for, only that he knew it wasn’t a happy one.

“Oh. Well, whatever you need. I’m … I have plans with Jason.” He was already turning away and half out of the room when he’d said it and Jared was glad because it meant that Jensen never saw the look on his face.

He sat quietly at the kitchen counter, looking over the paperwork for the GED classes as Jensen got himself ready to go out and meet his friend. He felt sad that Jensen was leaving him alone. It wasn’t the first time and he knew it wouldn't be the last. When the door shut behind Jensen, leaving behind nothing more than the smell of his cologne, Jared moved into the living room, giving up on the attempt to focus on his studies.

As Vicky had shown him, he closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on what he was feeling. He tried to picture the situation as a whole and start with the simplest facts.

He liked Jensen. Jensen took care of him and made him laugh. Jensen cared for him in a way that was different from anything he’d ever had before. He liked Jason. He was a little bit too much like the parody of a stoner character from a movie, but he was smart and he was nice and never made Jared feel bad for kicking them out of Jensen’s house. Not that he kicked them out of Jensen’s house, but he got the feeling that before he’d come along they’d spent a lot more time there than they had anywhere else.

If he liked Jensen and he liked Jason then why did he feel so odd when they spent time together? Why did he feel a little bit like crying and a little bit like he wanted to kick something and a little bit guilty, like he used to when he stole cookies from his last foster-family?

Jared didn’t know what this feeling was, but he didn’t like it. He decided that he would try and talk to someone about it, but he didn’t want to wait to talk to Vicky at his next appointment. He grabbed the cell phone that Jensen had gotten for him and programmed with a few phone numbers he might need. He scrolled through the names until one was lit up and he knew it was the right person to call and talk to. He hit the call button and waited while the other end rang.

“Jared, buddy, how are you doing?” Just hearing Jeff’s voice through the tinny speaker of his cheap cell phone calmed Jared.

“I’m okay. School is good. Are you busy? Can I talk to you?” Jared dug his toe into the carpet as he spoke, looking down at his feet the whole time. His shoulders were up and tight and he felt nauseous waiting for Jeff’s answer.

“Jay, of course, want me to come over? I could be there with a few beers in ten minutes.” Jared heard the tinkle of Jeff’s keys and wind moving past the phone before he could muster up an answer.

“Jensen went out with Jason, that would be good.” He could hear sadness in his own voice and he wondered at it.

“...I’ll be right there.”

Twenty minutes later found them on the back porch watching the sunset, each with a cold beer.

“You gonna tell me what’s going on or do I have to start guessing?” Jeff finally asked after half his beer was gone. Jared had still only taken a single sip, rolling it over and over his tongue until it was body warm and gross.

“I like Jensen. I like Jason. Why am I sad that they’re spending time together?” He sounded childish and when Jeff laughed at him he flinched, slopping his mostly full beer over his knuckles.

“Sorry kiddo just, uh, been a long time since I had to have this kind of talk. Not really sure how to start, “Jeff paused, took a long sip of his beer and rubbed his cool, condensation covered hand over the back of his neck, “You’re jealous. You want Jensen to spend time with you and not Jason. I know that you didn’t get to have a lot of these kinds of experiences but I know that you know what jealousy is.”

Jealous. He was jealous? Like a flicked switch went off in his head, he suddenly got it.  He wanted Jensen all to himself. He liked the way that Jensen made him feel. He liked the way he felt when he made Jensen laugh.

“...oh.”

Jeff laughed again and stole his beer right out of his fingers, finishing it off with a smack of his lips. “Yeah, oh. Y’all never could do things easy. S’alright though, you’re good kids. Eventually, you’ll even be on the same page and I can stop having high-school level conversations with both of you.”

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Jensen was all over Jason as soon as his apartment door opened. He was horny as hell and needed to get fucked and didn’t have any patience for the goofy, flirty, fun sex that Jason preferred when he was leading. He practically climbed Jason’s muscular body, panting heavily until his legs were wrapped around Jason’s hips.

“You gotta fuck me. Fuck I want that big dick, Momo. Like, need it. Prepped before I came over. Take your pants off and fuck me so hard that we break your bed.” He panted as he kissed along Jason’s neck and up to his ear, something that he knew would get Jason’s engine going fast.

“Slow down Jenny. You just got here, don’t you wanna smoke a joint, let things get a little happy and floaty first?” Momo was talking but Jensen refused to acknowledge him. He didn’t wanna smoke, didn’t wanna get floaty and loose and out of control. He liked the control he was feeling right then.

“If you won’t fuck me, I’ll just have to take what I want. How about that?” Jensen asked, feeling strong and powerful. He lowered himself to the floor and writhed against Momo, subtly pushing him backwards until they were down the hall and in Momo’s bedroom.

“Strip.” Jensen said, softly but with with his tone brooking no argument. He took a second to absorb the look on Jason’s face, horny but confused, before he yanked his shirt off over his head and started to unbutton his fly.

Momo stayed quieter than usual as Jensen shoved him down on the bed and made sure to hit each one of his hot spots; beneath his ear, his right nipple, the cut of his abs, behind his left knee and then he screwed his mouth down over Momo’s coke-can dick, taking it in as far as he thought he could before going even further. He made himself gag and tears came to his eyes as he held Momo down with one hand pressed against his abdomen and the other forearm locked across his hips.

“Gonna ride you now. Gonna take what I want. Gonna use you.” He grunted as he flung one leg over Momo’s hips and settled down faster than usual, getting Momo right where he wanted him.

“Fuck up into me, hard.” He knew this wasn’t what he and Momo usually did, this wasn’t what their relationship was about, but he didn’t care. He wanted to get fucked and he wanted to be in charge, in control. He wanted to hold Jason down and take what he needed until he came all over those porn-star abs.

Afterwards, when they would normally be lounging in the afterglow and giggling as they got even more stoned, there was silence. Jensen felt somehow unfulfilled, even as he could feel Momo’s come inside him and feel the stickiness of dried sweat and come on his stomach. He glanced over, expecting to see Momo lounging and lighting a joint, and was shocked to see that he’d already rolled out of bed and was pulling on clothes. Momo turned to him, opened his mouth to start talking then closed it and walked out of the room.

Jensen felt awful. He pulled his clothes on and followed Momo to the living room. “Look, man, I’m sorry about all that I just…”

“Jenny. You know I love you, right? You’re all kinds of cool and sexy as fuck. We have a good time. But that back there and all the stuff recently? That’s not really my kind of thing. I like to have a mutual good time and not that I didn’t enjoy myself and all but I think you need something I can’t be for you. So I’m thinking it’s best we stop with the sex stuff till you figure yourself out.”

Jensen nodded, defeated. He wasn’t even sure where it had come from. It was unlike anything he’d ever wanted before. He headed back into the bedroom to grab his belt and pick up his shoes from where he’d kicked them off in the hallway. Jason was standing next to the couch when he came back into the room.

“Don’t wanna lose you as a friend. Hate to lose that ass but, I think we were kinda buying time anyway.” At Jensen’s blank look, Jason continued, “What with Jared and all.” Jensen cocked his head but said nothing as he tried to figure out what Jason could mean by that statement. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask what Jason meant when he laughed in Jensen’s face.

“... You don’t know yet? That makes a lot of sense. I’m not gonna tell you man, you gotta figure this one out on your own. C’mere, help me finish this before you take off.”

Blank-faced, Jensen sat down on the couch and took the joint from Jason, hitting it deep twice before handing it back. They passed it back and forth until it was too small to hold, then Jason stubbed it out in the ashtray on the floor.

Jensen felt better than he had since he’d set foot into the apartment. He rolled his head on his shoulders and looked over at Jason. “You’re so fucking sexy.” Jason looked over at Jensen and chuckled.

“Thanks Jenny, you too.” A big, tanned hand reached over and patted Jensen’s thigh, “Even if you are stoned as shit right now and clueless to boot.”

“Why don’t you wanna fuck me anymore?” Jensen was to high for the conversation and he knew it, he wasn’t sure that even if Jason told him what he’d been alluding to before he could comprehend it or even remember, but he couldn’t stop.

“I really like your cock.” He mumbled, looking into Jason’s dark eyes and inching closer on the couch. Jason smiled again and Jensen felt his dick twitch in his jeans.

“Alright my pretty Jenny, can’t drive home like this. Lemme get you some food and some coffee so you can go home to your Jared.” Jason stood up from the couch and Jensen fell over onto his face, squirming around until he was laying on his back, legs thrown over the armrest at the end. “What is _with_ you and J names anyway? Jensen, Jared, Jeff, Jason… you got some kinda tractor-beam for people with J names?” Jason asked over his shoulder from the kitchen but Jensen wasn’t listening.

He was thinking about Jared. Happy Jared and sad Jared and sleepy Jared and pretty, pretty Jared. He didn’t notice that Jason was standing in front of him again until fingers snapped in his face. “Yeah, that’s right. Eat up Jenny and you can go home and see your pretty, pretty Jared and figure all this out like a big boy.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jared blew the hair off his face and peeked around the library. At this time of night it was mostly empty and it never failed to make him nervous. He was waiting for Jensen, who was finishing up a run as Billy Flynn in an off-Broadway production of Chicago. They’d gotten into a pretty good routine recently; three nights per week Jared would make the ride into the city with Jensen and take his night classes while Jensen worked. Then he would hit the library and wait for Jensen to pick him up so they could drive back out of the city.

It was exhausting but Jensen promised him over and over that it wasn’t any trouble. He wanted to help Jared as much as he could.

The only person who hadn’t been shocked when Jared was accepted at Columbia was Momo. When he’d been getting his GED and working on ACT and SAT tests, Jensen had been amazing help, spending long hours with Jared on the couch, on the floor, sometimes in the sunshine of the backyard pouring over books and quizzing him with flashcards. Everytime Jared had gotten something complicated down, he got the most amazing smile from Jensen; it lit up his whole face. It was a better motivator than than anything else, having that smile directed at him.

One afternoon they’d been in the kitchen, Jared at the bar and Jensen washing up from lunch, when Momo had come over. He’d been coming over more and more and, though Jared wasn’t sure what changed between Momo and Jensen, he liked it since it meant he got more of Jensen’s attention on himself with the added bonus of Momo being one of his growing circle of friends.

Momo had marched right over and explained the algebraic equation that Jared had been staring at for the previous twenty minutes and he’d done it in such a way that Jared could understand exactly where he’d gone wrong. He was able to complete that entire page of problems within the next hour, something that had previously been taking a whole afternoon.

Before he’d ducked down to focus on finishing his homework, he’d caught a glimpse of Jensen, turned around and facing them, dishtowel dangling from his hands and mouth open in shock. “I didn’t know you were good at math.” He’d mumbled and Momo had laughed, rounding the counter to place a smacking, wet kess on Jensen’s cheek.

“Never really came up before. Graduated with a Bachelor’s in Mathematics from UC Berkeley; I’m not just some bimbo stoner you know, I’ve got depth.” Jensen had immediately responded with, “and width” before he’d turned red and spun around to face the sink again.

Jared laughed and bent his head to his work as Momo had come around the counter and plopped himself next to him, stage whispering, “If you ever need math help, you call me, okay? He’s got brains behind that pretty face but not for this kinda stuff. I once saw him leave a forty seven percent tip for shitty service cause he struggled with the math so hard.” Jared burst out giggling at Momo’s scandalized whisper and handed over his phone without a word, a sign for Momo to add his number.

With the combined help of Jensen, Momo and, shockingly, Vicky when things got too overwhelming, Jared had gotten his GED in less than the projected three months. He couldn’t decide what he wanted to do so he’d taken both the ACT, on which he’d gotten a 35/36 and the SAT which he’d gotten a combined 1540. Jensen, Momo and Jeff had taken him out for dinner and ice cream to celebrate and talk about what he’d wanted to do next.

Which is how he ended up in the library for Columbia on a friday night at one am waiting for Jensen to come pick him up. One of his friends from his essay writing class, Tom Welling, was stumbling through the library, probably trying to use it as a shortcut to get back to his apartment on the cold winter’s night.

“Jaaaaaaaay ma man! What are you doing here? It’s Friday night and there are ladies out there just waiting to get a shot at that giant Paddywhacker you got in your jeans.”

Jared fought the urge to blush and lost; still uneasy with sharing much of his past or himself with Tom, he’d merely told everyone he’d been homeschooled and sheltered growing up. He wasn’t ashamed except for how he really, truly was. He’d been in school long enough now that he knew that there were more people out there like Jensen and Jeff than there were Amell. He’d just been unlucky growing up.

Lost in his musings, he missed the way that Tom came and sat down right next to him, breathing vodka and red bull into his face. “Or do you wanna know how many guys out there are looking to hop on that paddywhacker?” The way he spoke made Jared look up into shockingly clear, blue eyes. He blinked and licked his lips, watching as Tom tracked his tongue’s path.

“Did.. do..I mean, that’s nice and all Tom but…” His words suttered to a halt as Tom took advantage of the moment to place a hand on the back of Jared’s neck, not pulling or pushing, not squeezing, just simply held there.

Collaring was something that had always made him calm and blank, letting him trust in the submissive headspace; Jensen knew this and never ever took advantage of it. It had been the first thing that Amell trained him for, to wear his collar and how to think and how to act when he was wearing it and it had been the only time he was able to follow each one of Amell’s rules without question. The only time he’d been able to submit almost as fully as Amell had wanted, even from the first time. Even though that was how he’d been introduced to collaring, it was still something that calmed him, centered him, made him ready to submit.

He swallowed hard and continued to look into Tom’s eyes, his stomach squirming at the familiarity he saw there. He didn’t know Tom except for at school, or at least not that he could recall. Tom leaned in closer, close enough that their lips brushed when he spoke.

“Master sends his regards, Jared, and can’t wait till you’re home again where you belong” He punctuated the statement with a claiming kiss, one that Jared didn’t respond to in any way, just leaving his lips parted and his tongue passive the way he’d been trained to do when the collar was on. He felt Tom’s thumb stroking up the side of his neck posessively and wanted to cry, scream, run away like he had tried to in the beginning with Amell, but he couldn’t move.

Tom pulled away and stood up, his hand leaving a cold spot on the skin of Jared’s neck. He straightened to his full height but then bent at the waist to whisper in Jared’s ear, his breath making Jared shiver. “Master says that this time I won’t just have to watch, you know, I’m going to get my turn with you too. He’s - We’ve missed you.” Before Jared could blink, Tom was gone and he was alone, shaking and unable to breathe.

“Jay! Man! How’s it going? Whoa, hey, what the fuck happened, you look like you’ve seen a ghost or some shit.” His friend Chad materialized out of nowhere, gripping at Jared’s bicep and pulling him to his feet. Jared flinched away unintentionally but even drunk, Chad knew the limits. Chad was the only friend who knew the truth about him, the only one he trusted.

“I don’t.. I need...I can’t…” He stammered and turned panicked eyes to Chad who simply nodded and moved to pack up all his things, even as he stayed within touching distance without making any contact.

“Jensen’s gotta be almost done, huh? How about instead of waiting here we go get him. We can walk, surface streets and be at his theater in like fifteen. That sound good?” Chad’s blue eyes were blurred with drink and Friday night revelry but they were trained on him comfortingly.

Jared nodded at his friend, warmth filling him as they began to walk, “I’ll even buy you one of those expensive coffees you like. You can rally on the walk and sober up till you find another party.” He joked and Chad laughed, making an aborted motion with his hand like he’d been about to slap Jared on the back and thought better of it.

“Jay, my man, you know me better than my own mother, I swear. So, you wanna hear about the lovely Kenzie while we walk?” Chad began to prattle on about his latest lady love without waiting for Jared to agree, but that was more than okay with Jared, who appreciated Chad trying to talk him out of his fear without even knowing the basis of it.

After they grabbed their coffees they walked over, Chad going on and on about the two loves of his life, Kenzie and alcohol, while Jared’s mind raced. He was going to have to tell Jensen but he had no idea how Jensen was going to react. Even after all this time, sometimes the man surprised him and not always in a good way.

They’d gotten more and more comfortable with each other, something that was bound to happen when two people spent everyday together, but sometimes Jared still flinched when Jensen got mad. Sometimes Jared still fell silent when he felt he’d done something wrong. Sometimes, he still knelt beside Jensen’s chair in the living room because it made him feel secure.

His fingers twitched towards the cell phone in his pocket that contained Vicky’s phone number; she’d told him months before that no matter what time day or night he could call and she would answer. He believed her when she’s told him that he was special to her and that she wanted to help so genuinely. He’d never felt the need to call her in the middle of the night before and he hated to bother her, but he thought that if there was ever a reason, this scene from earlier was a valid reason.

Before he realized it, they were at the staff only entrance to the theater and Chad was trying to talk his way inside. Jared did pull his phone out then, hitting Jensen’s name on the home screen and calling him.

“Jared? What’s up? I’m almost done here and I’ll be right there to get you.”

“Actually, me and Chad are at the side entrance and the security guy is new tonight and doesn’t know me. Can you come get us?” Jensen agreed and they hung up.

Chad turned to him, “So I’m going to take off once you get inside. I know Jensen doesn’t like me and that’s okay, I’m for more refined tastes than his, but I just wanted to make sure you got here okay.”  Jared felt that warmth again and smiled at Chad.

“It’s not … I mean Jensen doesn’t… yeah, man, he doesn’t like you.” He laughed, making the security guy scowl at them and shove them behind the barrier. “He’s just protective. He doesn’t know you but I’m gonna tell him what you did for me tonight Chad. He’ll like you more after he hears about this.” He reached out and squeezed Chad’s fingers in silent thanks.

“You don’t ever have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I’m here to listen if you wanna talk. Jesus H Tittyfucking Christ knows that you’ve listened to me enough that I oughta return the favor someday.”

“Oh, Chad, you have such a lovely way with words. English major, right?” They heard from off to the side and both turned to see Jensen, only half out of his makeup, sticking his head out the door.

“Fuck off Ackles. And, oh, don’t worry, I’m not staying, just making sure you’re gonna take care of my boy here.” Chad flipped Jensen off without looking and all three of them laughed, the stoic guard at the door even cracking a smile.

“You remember what I said Jay. See you Monday.”

Jensen gestured and silently escorted him into the building, past all the other actors and dancers in the show. They made their way through the bowels of the building until they reached the tiny dressing room that Jensen shared with the actor playing Amos, where he gestured Jared down onto the small couch while he finished getting the makeup off his face.

“I think… I think that Stephen is stalking me.” Jared eventually mused aloud, causing Jensen to freeze and catch his eye in the mirror.

“Come again?”

“This kid who is in one of my classes he showed up at the library tonight and he put his hand around the back of my neck to calm me, you know like you do, and he started telling me that Master was looking forward to seeing me again.” Jared was shocked that his voice didn’t tremble even the smallest bit as he told Jensen about Tom and then Chad finding him and walking him over to the theater.

“Okay. Well that’s just fucking… creepy as shit. I should have known - Okay. What do you want to do?”

Jared had been thinking about little else since Chad had started walking him over from the library but he still wasn’t sure. He fingered the edge of his phone.

“I think that I want to call Vicky. And maybe, maybe we can call Misha? I know he can’t help me defend myself physically but I think that if I have to come face to face with Amell at some point then knowing that I don’t… Jensen I don’t want to go back there. Things have been so good with you and I feel like a person. An actual human being and not some sex toy and-” Jared cut himself off when he felt his hands shaking so bad that he couldn’t wipe the tears off his cheeks, but Jensen was right there.

Jensen held him close and let him cry into the shoulder of his costume. He wiped his face and helped him to focus on what was happening at that moment, which was him and Jensen, safe in the dressing room alone. The focus technique was something Vicky had taught him when he’d confessed that he was afraid to try medication for when he was overwhelmed.

When he was on his own, it didn’t work but when Jensen was there, and let him use his eyes as his focus point, it always seemed to work.

“I think that’s a good plan Jared. Call Vicky now, tell her what happened. I’ll finish getting out of these clothes and we can go home; they’ll have to understudy me for tomorrow but I just don’t care.”

\------------------------------------------------

Jensen let the words “you’re more important than any job’ remain unspoken but he thought them as he pulled away, pulling his costume off and his clothes on as Jared made his phone call. He tried not to listen in on the conversation, but it was difficult when Jared was right there and made no attempt to lower his voice. He could hear Jared getting calmer and calmer as he spoke to Vicky and it made his own heart rate slow down from the thundering pace it had been at before.

Stephen ‘asshole extraordinaire’ Amell could come near Jared over his dead body. They’d come too far. They’d become too close. Jensen glanced over his shoulder at Jared, giant hulk of a man, curled in on himself on that loveseat trying to make himself tiny to protect himself and felt his heart break and grow simultaneously.

He loved Jared and it was wonderful even as it hurt because he thought Jared would only ever see him as a protector or a big brother. He should be grateful for that, and he was, but it also hurt. He wanted all of Jared, not just the familial love. He wanted all aspects of it. Jared was something special.

He cleared his throat as he roughly scraped off the last of his stage makeup and turned back to Jared on the love seat, tucking his phone back into his pocket. He stood and Jensen could see the rings of worry under his eyes and the way he’d been running his hand through his overlong hair. He reached up without thinking to straighten the strands.

“What… what are you doing?” Jared asked, his warm, coffee breath blowing into Jensen’s face.

“Just gotta fix your hair.” He was proud he’d gotten the words out without a stutter but as he lowered his hands he could see they were shaking a little. He cleared his throat.

“What did Vicky say?”

“Vicky thinks that it would be a good idea for us to meet with Misha tomorrow, if that’s okay with you?”

Unable to trust his voice Jensen nodded, grabbing his keys from the vanity and nodding towards the door. A thought occurred to him as they made their way back out of the building, “Jeff knows some basic self defense stuff, I think he might have even taught a class some time ago, wanna see if he can come over tomorrow after you meet with Misha and ask him about it?”

“We meet with Misha at eleven.” Jared corrected quietly.

“Oh you- you want me to go with you?” Jensen felt his heart rate pick up again; he wasn’t entirely sure that he could handle that but he’d told himself months ago that his mantra was going to be “whatever Jared needed” and he wasn’t going to let himself back down now.

“Misha is going to ask a lot of questions about what happened before and what… anyway. Vicky said it would be smart for you to be there. I think I may need you there. That’s okay, right?”

Jensen led the way to the car, making sure that Jared was in, the door was shut and no one was hanging around as he got into the drivers side. His mind was going a mile a minute, thinking about what he was going to hear when they met with Misha the next day, how he was going to react. As he drove, he thought about how protective he’d become over Jared in recent months. How much he hated Jared’s friend Chad, which was fair since Chad was an idiot but apparently had a heart of gold, because of the way it kept Jared from spending all his time with him.

He glanced over at Jared’s sleeping form and sighed. It had started out with lust and it had confused Jared to pieces, to the point where it seemed like Jared would never be able to trust him, always worried that Jensen was going to take just like everyone else in his life took what they wanted from him. So Jensen learned to shove that to the side and keep it to himself. Then he’d startled himself by learning that he cared for Jared, enough that he could clearly see how controlling he was being, keeping him home, giving him rides everywhere, doing everything together.

He’d told himself that he was no better than Scum-sucking Amell and made himself back off. Jared needed to live and to breathe and to be a person all on his own. So he’d started encouraging Jared to meet up with friends from school to study or just go out and do things with kids his own age.

Sometimes, when it was just the two of them, he thought that maybe his own feelings were reflected back. Jared would breathe deep when he was close or spend a little too long looking at Jensen’s lips and Jensen felt a glimmer of hope that he wasn’t alone in wanting more than what they had. Vicky had been right about many things so far but the one prediction of hers that Jensen feared above all others was that Jared was going to break his heart.

————————

Misha was as far from what he’d pictured Vicky’s husband to be as possible. Where she was prim, proper and buttoned up, Misha was loose and informal. Jared half expected Misha to offer them some kind of drug to loosen up and get on his level and was relieved when he didn’t.

“So, obviously, Vick told me nothing other than your names and the fact that she wanted me to have a private meeting with you instead of having you join one of my Munches; we can deal with that later. I’m Misha and I have no idea why you’re here.” He stopped talking and looked back and forth between them with a half smile on his face, and waited for one of them to speak.

Jared could tell that Jensen didn’t like him, he could feel the tension and disapproval radiating off Jensen from where he sat at the opposite end of the couch. He was about to speak up when Misha cut him off.

“This is usually where people introduce themselves and tell me a little, or a lot, about them. But, seeing as how you two are _both_ going for the strong and silent type, let me start guessing. Can one of you at least tell me which one is which?” The words sounded sarcastic and exasperated but his tone was almost fond and Jared relaxed even as he puzzled over how this was going to help.

“I’m Jared and this is Jensen.” He waved at Jensen, who crossed his legs at the ankles and looked at Misha stonily.

Misha sat back in his chair and brought fingers to his lips, clearly deep in thought. Jared felt his gaze like a physical touch as he looked him over from head to toe and couldn’t help but avert his eyes. Finally, Misha sat forward again, his fingers steepled and holding up his chin.

“You two ready to hear what I think?”

Jared shrugged, he didn’t know what he was supposed to be doing and was a little stung that Jensen wasn’t helping more. Misha was already the most confusing person that he’d ever met and the fact that Jensen clearly didn’t like him didn’t make him want to be very forthcoming, or to hear Misha’s supposed theories about them.

“Okay, first impressions then. New couple and still learning about each other. Jared, you’re clearly submissive, maybe bad relationship before meeting Jensen? Taken advantage of? Jensen, you are clearly the dominant in the relationship and you do not want to be here.” He paused, taking a breath and addressing the next question to Jared directly, “How am I doing so far?”

“We-we-we aren’t a couple. But the rest of it it kinda true.” Jared answered honestly, genuinely thinking about being a couple with Jensen for the first time.

Obviously, when he’d gone home with Jensen he’d thought that he was going to be with him, but in more of the same way he’d been with Stephen. Over time, he’d grown more comfortable with Jensen, coming to trust him and depend upon him and even love him a little, but he’d never thought about being part of a couple with him. He’d always thought that a relationship, a mutual one, would be something he would never have.

“Really, not a couple? But you’re so…” Misha trailed off, looking over at Jensen and giving him the same frank appraisal he’d given Jared a moment before. “So clearly together. Huh, I’m not usually told that my first impression is wrong.” He tore his gaze away from Jensen, who had thawed slightly and inched over towards Jared on the couch.

“Are you ready to tell me, then? Jared, you can tell me anything. I know that I don’t have the doctor-patient thing that Vick has with you but this is a safe space. You can share as much as you feel comfortable sharing with me and Jensen in the room. Though I assume that Jensen knows much of what you’d tell me anyway.”

“Actually, Jensen doesn’t, but that’s why I wanted him here. I’ve told Jeff a lot of it but” Jared sucked his bottom lip into his mouth to think about what he wanted to say, “I didn’t tell him everything either. Vicky knows.” Jared felt his voice drop down low and soft, a throwback to his last foster house and the way he was required to speak when he was there.

“Can I close my eyes?” If Misha was confused by the question, he didn’t show it, simply nodding and sitting back in his chair, gesturing for Jared to get comfortable and start talking when he was ready.

He started all the way back at the beginning; his parent’s deaths, or what he’d been told about them, anyway. His shuffle from foster home to foster home. How he was constantly told he was too big, too loud, too active and was beaten until he was quieter, and learned to be smaller. He talked about running away at fifteen, nothing but a backpack full of ill-fitting clothes to his name. He brushed over the hitchhiking across the country. By the time he was talking about the first time he’d met Stephen, he could feel the warmth of Jensen pressed along his side and his hand being pulled into Jensen’s slightly smaller one for support. He took a breath and leaned into Jensen’s body as he opened his eyes.

He knew if he tried to look at Jensen, he wouldn’t be able to continue, so he kept his eyes on Misha. On the sympathetic but not pitying gaze there. He took a deep breath and continued.

“Stephen promised me so many things. A home, a family. Food in my belly and clothes that fit and a chance to go to school, meet friends. But he didn’t mean it.” He closed his eyes again, out of fear or embarrassment, he wasn’t sure. He just knew that as he told the rest of it, he couldn’t look Misha in the eye. About how he let himself be used, be trained.

“He-he told me I was a natural submissive. When I was a good boy, he’d give me treats. When I wasn’t… he’d give me to his friends. I had to be smaller than him at all times. I had a daily word limit, I couldn’t go over or I had to spend time in the playroom.” His voice cracked and he squeezed Jensen’s fingers, “I hated the playroom.”

He felt Jensen move almost impossibly closer to him and took a deep breath to keep going. “Technically, I guess I’m still a virgin, not that it really matters. He was waiting- he was training me to be a pussy boy. To come only from being fucked. Fingers and toys and beer bottles and whatever else he could find. He caged my cock. Once, he threatened to cut it off if I couldn’t learn to love being penetrated. But I don’t like it. I don’t like it and I can’t come from being penetrated. He told me that I was defective because of it and that’s when the really bad punishments started. He tied me up with rope so bad that I had to go to the ER more than once..” He shuddered at the memory and felt Jensen’s arm wrap warmly around his shoulders. “The whips. The paddles. The pain, he loved to give me pain.” He felt a single tear slip down his cheek as his voice grew to a whisper.

“I was supposed to be grateful for all of his gifts to me. Sometimes it was food, sometimes it was time outside in the sunshine or a book. Sometimes it was his bodily fluids.” He paused to look deep into Misha’s blue eyes. “I was supposed to relieve him in the mornings because all of his bodily fluids were his gifts to me.”

Misha took a deep breath, not shocked but Jared could hear the hitch in his breathing. He knew that he hadn’t said anything shocking; he was certain there were plenty of people who enjoyed some of the things he’d been put through, but he hadn’t wanted it and he had never felt like it was his choice and he said as much aloud.

“Jared. I think I can understand what you’re seeing my lovely wife for but what would you like to get out of from seeing me? How can I help you?”

Jared found himself caught off guard and took a moment to think about it. What did he want from meeting with Misha? He chewed on his lips and let himself be cradled by Jensen.

“I want to feel like a person not a thing. I want to … there are some things that I like but it’s all tied up in my head. Vicky is helping me sort a lot of that out. I think -” He cut himself off, feeling suddenly shy. He looked over and caught Jensen’s eye, who said nothing simply curled his arm tighter and leaned over to press a kiss to the side of Jared’s head as he wiped at the tear tracks on his face. Jared’s whole body fluttered at that; Jensen touched him all the time but he’d never kissed him before.

“I think I like being submissive. I like the control of giving my control away but how can I trust anyone? I don’t like to be penetrated. But that’s confusing; can can you not want to be in control but want to be the one doing the penetrating?”

“It seems like you trust Jensen.” Misha interjected simply, and ignored the rest of Jared’s statement, and Jared felt himself nodding. He did trust Jensen.

“Jensen where do you come into all of this?” Misha asked, sitting back again.

Jensen froze at being addressed directly and Jared gently moved his hand to Jensen’s knee, squeezing. “I found myself in a poker game with Amell. The stakes were high, I was there to help out a friend who’d lost some important things due to a gambling problem, and I’d just bet my car when he slid a piece of paper with Jared’s name into the pot.” Jensen covered Jared’s hand on his knee with his free hand. “Jared’s been with me ever since.”

Misha stood up from his chair fast enough that it screeched across the floor and Jared jumped. He and Jensen looked up as Misha started pacing, his hands waving in the air as though he was having a conversation but he wasn’t saying anything. It went on for a long two minutes before Misha came back over to them, crouching on the floor in front of them.

“There is a lot to go through. I’m not a therapist, I’ve said that before and I will say it again I’m sure but Jared I want to help you. I want to help you learn what is good and safe and healthy in a relationship of this kind.” He turned to look Jensen in the eye, the two of them having some sort of silent conversation for a moment before Jared blinked and Misha was starting at him with those bright blue eyes again.

“One more thing, and this is important. I want you to think about this. Keep this thought close to you. Keep this in the back of your mind. When you feel defeated. When you feel like he… fucked you up. Think about this.”

Misha handed him a small card he must have taken out of his wallet. Printed on it were two simple lines that made the hair on the back of Jared’s neck stand up.

A Dominant doesn’t make a submissive.

A dominant guides the submissive

To help them give themselves

Permission to become who they

Really are.

The drive home was quiet since both of them were lost in their own thoughts. Jared didn’t recall much of the drive, his mind going back and forth between what Misha had told him about the basic tenets of Submissive behavior and Jensen’s kiss.

“Jared will you meet me in the living room?” Jensen asked softly, bringing him back to the here and now. Jared nodded, trailing up the front steps and into the house, stepping into the living room and heading to the couch. Jensen reappeared a moment later, two bottles of water in his hands.

“I’m not good at this kind of thing so if, when, I start to ramble you have to tell me to stop and help me get back on track.” Jared made a ‘go on’ gesture with his hand and Jensen hopped up from where he’d perched on the couch and began to pace back and forth.

“I want you to know I’m not some creep. I mean, I hope you know that by now but it’s important for me to say it. I haven’t been just, like, biding my time and waiting till you can handle this. Cause, truthfully, I still don’t think you can handle this. But I think you want it and I know that I do.” Jensen stopped in front of him and waited, as though he’d asked a question and was waiting for Jared to reply.

“Want what?” Jared asked, feeling small and innocent. He knew that he should be able to understand what the conversation was about but he was having trouble translating Jensen-speak.

Instead of speaking again, Jensen leaned down and brushed their lips together. He pulled back quick enough that it could barely be considered a kiss but all the puzzle pieces finally fit together in Jared’s head and he got it. He nodded, eyes wide and fixed on Jensen’s face.

“Yeah?” Jensen asked, smiling so wide that Jared could see the smile lines around his eyes; he loved it when Jensen smiled like that. “We are gonna go so slow. Like, junior high movie dates and sharing milkshakes and kisses goodnight and nothing more until you are ready.”

“I’m not some innocent virgin Jensen.” He could help but reply with a laugh but instead of Jensen laughing, he got serious. He came and sat down next to Jared and took one of his larger hands between his own.

“You kind of are. You’re a dating virgin. A healthy relationship virgin. And a literal virgin, you said it yourself not two hours ago in Misha’s office. But I don’t care. Cause you are smart and funny and sweet and hot like fire.” Jared felt his face flame.

“And if we get back to the Dom and Sub stuff. If we get to a place where you want that, then we will do it right. I’m not taking any chances with you.”

————————-

Jared came into Jensen’s room to let him know that Chad was going to pick him up so they could go study together.

Without thinking, Jensen looked up from and caught Jared’s eye, “Just you and Chad? And he will stay with you the whole time?” Even though it had been weeks since the run-in with Jared’s classmate and there had been no sign of him since, Jensen still worried.

Jared nodded and opened his mouth to speak when the doorbell rang. Jared blinked but didn’t move as he shouted “Come in, Chad, I’ll be ready in a sec” still keeping eye contact with Jensen.

“Go. Study hard. Learn good things. I’ll… I’ll just be here when you get back.” His voice was huskier than he’d expected it to be and it showed more of what he’d been thinking than he really wanted to but he could see the way Jared responded to it and couldn’t bring himself to take it back.

He didn’t leave his room as he heard Chad and Jared gathering their things and good-naturedly bickering back and forth as they left the house. He heard the revving of Chad’s engine out in the driveway and, just to be extra cautious, waited five more minutes in silence before he moved. He didn’t have a lot of time.

He rushed through his shower, brushing his teeth and making himself presentable. Checking the clock, it was 1:15 and he had just fifteen minutes to get to where he was going. He grabbed his keys and peeled out of the driveway, hoping he’d read the directions correctly.

“Jensen, good, I’m glad you could make it!” Misha smiled and yelled across the parking lot as Jensen shut the door to his car behind him. He walked over and accepted Misha’s handshake.

“I wasn’t sure I was going to make it on time actually. Thanks for the invite. So, what exactly, is this again?”

“This little gathering is called a Munch. It’s a place for kinky people to meet up, make friends, talk life or kink or whatever they want in a safe place. I run this little meetup of the DSF, that’s Dom, Sub, Fetish society, and this one is pretty casual. People will be happy to answer your questions and talk you through whatever you could be interested in. This group always ends up heading to someone’s house for playtime afterwards, but you by no means have to join that.”

Jensen blew out a breath in thanks. He knew he wasn’t ready to watch any kind of playtime, even though he was so curious about it. They headed into the coffee shop and Jensen followed as Misha made his way to the private room in the back. There were already a number of people in there, milling about, and Jensen would not have known what kind of group they were by looking at them.

“Everyone here? Okay, good. I’ve got a new person here I’d like to introduce to you. Be nice, it’s his first time.” There was a collective chuckle as Misha gestured to Jensen who waved, feeling shy like he hadn’t in years. “This is Jensen. He has questions, he’s curious about the life. The do’s and don’ts. He has no experience here and as we all know this is a safe place. No getting mad or upset if he has the wrong impressions. Why don’t we just start by introducing ourselves. Mike, you go first?”

Jensen’s head was spinning after just the introductions but he was an actor, a professional, he’d met rooms full of people before and held it together then and he could do the same now. He smiled at everyone, shook hands when they were extended and tried not to show his unease. He felt like he was floundering, like he was lost.

“So how new are you into this scene?” The guy named Mike came up to Jensen and stood just far enough away to be out of his bubble.

“New enough that I don’t feel like I belong.” He hedged, glancing up to look into MIke’s eyes. The man smiled at him.

“We’ve all been there. How’d you get into it?”

With a glance at Misha, who was absorbed into another conversation and wouldn’t be able to give him a comforting nod anyway, he started talking. He told Mike about Jared, the basics only and leaving out Jared’s name completely. About living together and therapy and finally, “So we decided to try and date. And it’s going good but jesus, he’s so fucking hot and I’m not sure how much longer before we fall into bed, but I’m trying to respect him and let him make the first move, but he doesn’t want to and we are caught in a loop of tension and sexual frustration. And we live together, right, so it’s just getting more and more difficult to breathe with every date that ends with a chaste kiss and the two of us heading to our separate bedrooms.” By the time Jensen was done talking, he realized he’d attracted quite a crowd, some of them Doms and some of them Subs; all with varying expressions on their faces, but each of them rapt with interest at his tale.

“That… is a lot to digest. Damn.” Mike offered, bringing a hand up to his lips in a gesture that Jensen recognized as someone trying to think before they spoke.

“There’s two schools of thought when it comes to the initial approach. Some people feel that it is the job of the Dominant to make the first approach and if the submissive is interested to go from there, but some people feel it is the opposite. It honestly depends on the type of Dom/Sub personalities at play here. Lemme ask, when you kiss after a date, who is the first to step away?” The woman that had introduced herself as Noma asked and Jensen tipped his head back and closed his eyes to think about it. He was always the first to lean in and the first to lean back out and he relayed this information to the group.

“I think you gotta talk to your boy. Safe, Sane and Consensual is the motto of proper etiquette here and communication belongs in all three of those categories. Talk to him, tell him that you think you might be ready to move along physically. Ask him if he’s ready.” MIke offered, finally, just in time for Misha to join the group.

Noma perked up ,”Actually, I’d say that you need to ask him first. You’ve been the first to lean in for kisses but also the first to lean out. He’s not pushing you away. It might be because, even after all this time, he thinks he can’t and he doesn’t want to upset you by trying to say no, which he hasn’t been able to do in the past. He’s never been given the choices that the rest of us have. If you have any chance of making it work then I would say that you need to be the first person to give him a choice and respect it. Plus, this way, you’re both taking the situation into your own hands and letting him make the first move.” Noma smiled at him and her Dom pressed a kiss to the side of her head.

Seeing them together made Jensen ache for something. But he admitted to himself that she’d made an excellent point. It was the perfect solution. He’d not been afraid to talk to Jared so far, it was stupid to try and force an issue without talking now. He smiled his thanks.

“Now, who wants to answer dumb, newbie questions for me?” The group laughed and a few people split off, but thankfully Noma and her Dom stayed put, answering questions helpfully.

They told him about sceneing and safewords. About proper gag and binding protocols. Noma’s Dom got a dreamy look on her face when she started talking about gags and non-verbal communication but Jensen cut her off with a smile.

“We already talk via ASL a lot, some of his lovely upbringing there, but honestly… I don’t think  I’d ever want to gag him. His voice, his beautiful mouth… I wouldn’t want to take away any part of that.” Noma had started to go all dewy eyed and he hurried to add, “Unless he wanted it of course.”

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With finals over, Jared settled into the house more than he’d ever allowed himself to before. He felt comfortable there and he had nothing to do but enjoy himself. He lay out in the sunshine and read for fun. He watched mindless tv. He took naps. He taught himself how to cook fancy things. He thought about getting a job, something simple. Something close to the house. He looked across the table to Jensen, licking rib sauce off his fingers and felt a spark of lust.

“What if -- what do you think about me getting a job? Something to get out of the house? Or help with bills or whatever?” The words were blurted out without enough input from his brain and Jared found himself frozen, looking across the table into wide green eyes.

“I mean, if you wanna, we could find something. Close, uh, close to home or do you want me to find something near my work in the city?” Jared felt the scowl appear on his face before he could stop it and he wondered about his lack of impulse control and if it was a side effect of no longer being controlled by another person all the time.

“I don’t like the city. I mean, yeah, it’s New York and it’s great but unless I’m at school I don’t feel safe. What if Stephen…” He trailed off the at the look of mingled disgust and disbelief on Jensen’s face.

“Man his name is worse than the f-word and I’m putting a ban on it. Do you think that just seeing him would, I dunno, make you revert? You didn’t like being there before and you know what going back would mean. Or do you think that he’s gonna have big, burly guys toss you in the back of a van or something? Or do you just not want to confront him, it, your former situation?” Jensen paused to look down at the tabletop for a moment and when he spoke again, it was soft, as though he were speaking to himself, “That would make the most sense, I suppose.”

Jared wanted to laugh, cry and scream all at the same time. The point of all his worrying about Stephen was the fact that he didn’t know. He didn’t know what would happen if he was confronted with the Asswipe who’d stolen the last of his teen-years and innocence from him. He just knew that the multiple scenarios in his head worried him. And he knew that they’d gotten off track. He steered Jensen back to the original point of the conversation.

“How bout that bakery down on White Pine Ave? They’re always looking for help, you could serve coffee and learn how to make a decent cake.” Jensen smirked across the table and Jared couldn’t help but let out a wordless noise of upset.

“That was one time. One time I burned a cake so bad we had to throw away the pan.” He laughed and grabbed the dinner plates, tossing the rib bones and corn cobs in the trash before putting the plates in the sink.

“Yeah, and then the one time there was the salt instead of sugar. Then the one time of the too much baking soda. I’m just saying, the bakery should be afraid but I think it would be good for you.”

Jared passed Jensen a fresh beer from the fridge and nodded towards the back door, his heart light with the teasing. They headed out to the porch, into the sticky heat of New York summer and settled down.

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something else and since we are talking now…” Jensen started and Jared turned to listen. His fingers drummed out a pattern on his thigh but he couldn’t stop.

“I’m enjoying the dating and I think it’s going well?” His voice went up at the end and Jared nodded at the implied question. It was going really well. Jared felt happy and lighter than he’d ever been. He wasn’t holding his breath waiting for the next bad thing to happen; there had only been good things for weeks and weeks now.

“I wanna tell you something. I went to a Munch, a kink-meetup thing that Misha invited me to. For Doms and Subs, cause you said, you’ve said a few times that you liked it. And I think I like it too.” Jared blinked, hardly daring to move.

“I just wanted you to know that if you’re ready to, uh, get physical. What I’m trying to say is that I want. Fuck it.” Jensen leaned over and pressed a firm kiss to Jared’s slightly parted lips. “You make me feel like an idiot teenager again Jay.” Jared flushed at the nickname; he’d never had one before from anyone else and it made him feel special. It made him want to hear it more and more. “I haven’t talked about my feelings so much ever, except as part of a play.” Jensen pressed their lips together again, his tongue sweeping across Jared’s bottom lip and making them both breathe out harshly at the contact.

Jared parted his lips and scooted to the edge of his chair so that he could get closer without breaking the kiss. This was what he wanted. He wanted Jensen to take control. He wanted Jensen to show him what to do. He parted his lips and flicked his tongue across Jensen’s lips tentatively, trying not to melt when Jensen gasped into his mouth. He pulled back a little, just far enough to see Jensen’s eyes. The pupils were wide, surrounded by a tiny ring of green. His lips were red and plumper than usual just from that little amount of kissing and Jared thought he’d never seen anything more beautiful.

“Yes.” He sighed not really knowing what he was agreeing to, but agreeing to it nonetheless. He trusted Jensen, he wanted Jensen and he knew that Jensen wanted him back. Jensen had gone to that Munch thing for him. He was trying to learn to give Jared what he needed; what they both needed.

Without a word, Jensen got up and reached out for Jared’s hand, tugging him into the house where they left their beer bottles, down the hall and into Jensen’s bedroom. Jared’s head was swimming as Jensen looked him over from bare feet to tousled hair and everything in between.

“You say stop and we stop.” Jared nodded and dropped to his knees.

“Holy fuck Jay.” Jesen gasped as Jared placed his hands on his knees and waited. His cock was hard in his jeans and it hurt in a good way as he waited. And waited. He finally took his eyes off the floor and up to Jensen’s face. He drummed out a question against his thigh, not moving anything other than his fingers. When Jensen didn’t respond, he asked again, jerking his eyes down to his hand so that Jensen’s gaze would follow him.

“I was thinking you’d be a more active participant.” Jensen gave an aborted laugh and ran his fingers through his short hair, shifting from foot to foot. Jared blinked up at him, trying to think about what Jensen could want.

Slowly, so slowly that Jensen could stop him or order him in a different direction if he wanted to, Jared shuffled forward on his knees and grasped at Jensen’s belt. Keeping eye contact, Jared popped the button through the hole and let gravity pull down the zipper on Jensen’s jeans. He curled his fingers into the waistband and pulled the pants down to the floor. He pressed his face forward into the damp crotch of Jensen’s saggy boxers and inhaled.

“Jay. God.” Jared felt Jensen slide his fingers into his hair and palm the back of his head as he mouthed along the thick, hot line of Jensen’s cock inside worn cotton.

“T-take it out.” Jared’s blood pumped faster through his body as he followed orders. This was what he’d loved, being in control of himself by trusting someone else to take control of the situation. But it was different this time. This time it was Jensen, who cared for him and was worthy of Jared’s unfailing trust.

Jared thought he remembered Jensen’s cock from that first morning all those months ago, but he was wrong. It was delicious looking; saliva pooled in his mouth as he pulled it out through the slit in Jensen’s boxers. He wanted his mouth on it, but he waited.

“Kiss it.” Jensen didn’t stutter again but still sounded hesitant. Jared didn’t wait for another order as he parted his lips just enough that he could open-mouth kiss the fat head of Jensen’s cock, flicking his tongue just barely over the slit and tasting the precome there.

“Fuck, good boy.” Jensen tightened his fingers till he was pulling Jared’s hair and Jared grew bolder. He opened his mouth wider and took the whole head into his mouth, curling his tongue underneath it and sucking gently.

“Suck me. Show me how good you can be. Can you take it all?” Jared shuddered and pulled back to lick his lips wet before pressing forward again. He took Jensen halfway before pulling off and trying one more time, this time getting the head lodged in his throat so he could swallow around it. Jensen’s pubes tickled the tip of his nose and he wiggled it, making Jensen groan.

“Fuck Jay, m’not gonna - your fucking mouth.” Jared grunted his agreement and moved back and forth on Jensen’s cock, long smooth strokes all the way off till he could kiss Jensen’s slit and all the way back down.

Jensen tightened his fingers again, pulling Jared’s hair so hard that his eyes watered and he fucking loved it.

“Play with my balls. And don’t swallow.” Jared tapped Jensen’s thigh once in agreement before taking him all the way down into his throat and wiggling his tongue out to lick at Jensen’s sack where it hung against his chin.

“Good fucking boy.” Jensen pulled his hair backwards and he slid off, moving his hand to palm Jensen’s drawn up tight sack and rub his fingertips on the sensitive skin behind them. He curled his tongue against the underside of Jensen’s cock and felt it widen and pulse, Jensen’s salty-bitter come pooling in the cup of his tongue.

Jensen slid bonelessly to the floor in front of him and he opened his mouth to show Jensen that he hadn’t swallowed when Jensen kissed it right out of his mouth, swallowing noisily.

—————————

“Fuckfuck fuckity fuck.” Jensen stormed into the house and tossed his keys onto the side table, not caring that they bounced off and fell to the floor. He stormed past Jared and into the kitchen slamming the fridge door open and closed again, his fist curled around a beer. He popped it open on the counter and was slamming it back when Jared walked into the room.

“Didn’t get the part?” He hadn’t told Jared what the audition was for, only that it was important and could be a very big deal. He finished the beer and slammed the empty bottle onto the counter.

“Nope, I got it.” He belched wetly and bent to get another beer but Jared stopped him with a hand on his arm. He looked up to Jared’s open, happy, confused face.

“Then why are you so upset?”

Jensen ground his teeth together and focused on the wall behind Jared, unable to look his boy in the eye as he told him the news. “It’s a big revival. On Broadway. Shubert theater. This is _big_ Jay. Too big to pass up.” Jensen stepped closer to the big body in front of him, letting Jared wrap his arms around him like a big security blanket.

“The show? It’s an ensemble cast but two main leads.” He sucked in a deep breath, smelling the bakery where Jared had spent his morning and their laundry detergent and Jared’s deodorant; he let it soothe him, calm him. “Amell got the other lead.”

He felt a tremor run through Jared’s big body and bit down on the anger again. He wrapped his arms around Jared’s lower back and breathed deep, the scents of the bakery and home and his boy soothing away more than he expected.

“You know what would make you feel better?” Jared asked him softly and Jensen shook his head, rubbing his face in the solid chest in front of him.

“Let me show you.” Jared stepped away and Jensen suppressed a whimper. He allowed Jared to take his hand and tug him into his, no their, bedroom. Jared undressed him slowly, unlacing his boots first, lifting one foot and then the other before placing them reverently back on the floor. He stood up and unbuttoned Jensen’s shirt, slipping the sleeves down his arms and letting it drop to the floor. He shoved his tee-shirt up and over his head and let it join the button up on the floor. Jared fell to his knees in front of him.

“Can I take off your pants?” Jensen nodded, his throat dry and closed-up with desire.

Jared pulled his slacks off quickly, lifting his feet up one at a time to pull the legs off him. He looked back up Jensen’s body, a smile on his face.

“May I take off your boxers?” Jensen agreed again, feeling sweat prickle on his scalp; Jared asking for his permission never failed to send him right to the edge. They’d been taking the physical aspects slow, waiting to make sure they were both comfortable with the relationship. Jensen, especially, didn’t want to come close to taking advantage of Jared.

But Jared, for all his submissive tendencies, knew just how to guide Jensen to where they both needed to be. Physically and mentally. Jensen now knew what Misha had been talking about when he’d told them that it was the Submissive who was in control.

“May I suck your cock?”

Finally, Jensen’s voice breaks free and he groaned, “Fuck yes, Jay. Gentle, the way you know I like it.” Jared smiled again, taking Jensen’s cock into his mouth and sliding up and down wetly. Jensen threaded his fingers into Jared’s overlong hair and guided his up and down his cock, no suction, just wet lips and smooth glide.

“Will you give me your cock tonight, sweet boy?” The one thing they hadn’t done yet. Jensen’s ass throbbed at the thought of Jared’s monster cock. He wanted it, but he’d been waiting for the right time. He curled his fingers right around Jared’s silky hair and pulled, so that Jared had to tilt his head up and look at him.

“Wanna fuck me with that big dick? I want it, but I’ve been waiting till you asked me for it.” Jared said nothing, pink lips still pursed around the head of Jensen’s cock, not sucking, just holding. “But you weren’t going to ask, were you? Want me to tell you that’s what we are doing? Should I tell you how to use that big dick?”

Jared popped off the end of his cock, a string of saliva stretching from his bottom lip to the head, and nodded.

“Please. Tell me.”

Jensen’s cock throbbed at Jared’s words. “C’mon then. Get naked and come get me ready. Fingers only, for now.” Jared whined like he’d been punished; he loved to rim Jensen. But, as much as Jensen loved it back, he was too worked up. He needed a good, deep dicking.

He crawled onto the bed on his hands and knees, arching his back and twisting his head around to watch Jared pull off his clothes and coat his fingers with lube. He dropped his eyes down and groaned at the sight of Jared’s dick, so big and thick that even as hard as it was, it hung down. Jensen relaxed his hole and panted,” Faster, prep me. Do it now.”

He barely had the patience to wait for Jared to get a third finger in, twisting and rubbing and stretching. He wantonly rocked backwards into each touch, each thrust of Jared’s fingers. When he couldn’t wait anymore, he kicked his leg out and rolled them over till Jared was looking up at him from the flat of his back.

“Wanna be my good boy?” He didn’t know where all the gravel in his voice had come from but judging by the shudder that wracked Jared’s body beneath him, it wasn’t such a bad thing. “Use those hips and fuck up when I push down. Fuck me hard. Wanna feel it.” He levered his hips up and pressed the spongy head of Jared’s dick inside his loosened and lined hole, whining as he sank down, down, down till it felt like Jared’s cock was pressing against his lungs and pushing all the air out of his body.

Neither of them lasted long, the buildup had been too intense for both of them. Jensen yelled his climax, part from pleasure and part from shock. He rocked his hips down as far as he could to clench and shudder with Jared inside of him. Before he could slump down to Jared’s chest, he felt the fine tremors in Jared’s hand where they clenched at his hips.

“You want my permission baby? You wanna fill me up? Do it. Lemme feel it.” With a single grunt, he could feel it as Jared came deep inside of him. He slumped down to Jared’s chest to enjoy the afterglow before the feeling of come trickling out of him became unformfortable. He reached up and wrapped one hand around the back of Jared’s neck, his thumb stroking up and down the side soothingly.

“Can I ask you for something?” Jared asked softly into his hair and he didn’t need to think about his answer.

“Of course, anything.” He pressed a kiss to the skin between Jared’s pecs and tilted his head upwards.

Jared was looking down at him, dazed and happy but clearly unsure. “Will you… collar me?”

He sucked in a breath; he’d learned a little about collaring from Misha and knew what a big deal it was. It was akin to marriage in his mind, though he knew there were more connotations to collaring than there were marriage. He’d known Jared had been collared before and liked it, but he didn’t think he would ever want Jensen’s collar. Jared began to stammer nervously when Jensen realized he’d been quiet for too long.

“I know it’s not… this is new to you and me and it’s a big deal but it makes me feel safer. And of course if you don’t want to that’s okay-“ Jensen cut him off with a finger on his lips.

“Will you give me time? To find the perfect thing?” He asked, just as soft as Jared’s original question but instantly he could see it was the right thing. Jared’s dimples were out in full force, his smile so bright it hurt a little, and he craned his neck down to ask for a kiss that Jensen wouldn’t refuse even if he wanted to.

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The run of “Blood Brothers” was a huge success, going so far as to generate Tony buzz before the show closed. The wrap party reflected that by being bigger and louder and more jovial than any that Jensen had ever been a part of before. Jared stayed close for the first part of the night, both of them more than wary of a chance meeting with Amell, but after two hours with no sign of him, they both relax. Jared vanished for drinks about twenty minutes previously and Jensen had a sudden shock of worry. He scanned the room, looking for Jared’s floppy brown hair and finally spotted him, backed up against a corner with Amell in front of him. He barely said goodbye to the person he was talking to before moving in that direction as fast as his legs and the crowd allowed.

He could hear Amell’s high pitched, nasally voice although he couldn’t make out the words as he pressed through the crowd, but he was attuned to Jared and had no problem hearing what he was saying.

“... not the same kid you stole from the streets anymore to use as a plaything. I’m no one’s slave. You don’t scare me.” Jensen sidled up to Jared just in time to see the look of shock come over Amells slimy face as Jared finished speaking.

“You are completely impotent.” Jensen silently applauded Jared’s deliberate word choice as he forced a look of calm, detachment onto his face.

“Oh, Stefan, hi. Didn’t mean to intrude but I saw Jared was looking a little overwarm and I wanted to come help him out a little.” He turned and looked Jared full in the face, asking for his permission before he made his next move. Jared gave a tiny nod and Jensen loosened his tie and popped the top two buttons of his dress shirt before stepping back and to the side. He lifted a hand and cupped the back of Jared’s neck, his thumb stroking the side as he exposed the thin, leather collar on Jared’s long neck.

They’d settled for something understated for a moment just like this one. Anyone else in the room would see a leather choker, but Amell would see the lock on the side of the hand-tooled leather as well as the large J that cradled the smaller one in the center of the leather. He would know, and Jensen savored the look of realization on Amell’s face.

He turned a horrible shade of eggplant before he stuttered some nonsense and stalked away, leaving the two of them flushed with amusement.

“Mmmm you did amazing Jay.” Jensen smiled up at his boyfriend but his smile turned to a smirk quickly. “I think you deserve a reward. Quick as you can without running, I want you to go up one floor and go into the third stall of the men’s bathroom and wait with your hands behind your back.” He punctuated with a light slap to Jared’s ass, because he loved the way his boy colored when they played in public.

“Yes.” Jared hissed and Jensen slapped him once more.

“Yes what?” Jared tugged at the cuffs of his sleeves and looked down at Jensen.

“Yes Sir.”

————————-

“Hey Jay? Misha emailed me about something and I wanna talk to you about it.” Jensen was idly twirling a lock of Jared’s curls around his finger as they lounged on the couch after a long day. He felt Jared nod his head and turn to look at him.

“He, uh, nominated me for a membership at the Academy for Fetish Arts and I was wondering if that’s something you’d want to check out? Maybe we can go and watch a few scenes and see if there’s anything that we like? I mean, if you think it’d be too much we won’t do it.” One of the many little things that Jensen would forever find endearing about Jared was the way that when he was really thinking about something he thought with his whole body. He’d go tense up his spine and then his legs would stretch out and his shoulders would curl in. The first time he’d done it Jensen had just asked if he wanted to go back to school, such a long time ago, and he was so afraid that he’d hurt Jared in some way he’d panicked. Now he knew the posture just meant that Jared was seriously thinking about something.

“We wouldn’t have to participate, right?” Jared asked, sounding small and Jensen almost immediately felt guilty for bringing it up. Jensen didn’t notice the way that Jared began to run his fingers over his collar, or the way his breathing sped up.

“Of course not Jay. Man, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned it, we’re not there yet. _You’re_ not there yet.” He pulled Jared’s head onto his shoulder and held him tight.

“No, no I’m glad that you brought it up. I think this is a good idea. I mean, we’ve been talking about trying some more things, right? Maybe we can go and just watch and see if anything looks interesting.” It was the way that Jared said _interesting_ that had Jensen’s blood rushing in his ears. They’d come a long way to where they were now; they’d taken things slow to make sure they were solid when they’d gotten to that place together.

He smiled and signed for Jared to open; he didn’t specify what so Jared opened his arms and his mouth as Jensen moved around to settle himself into Jared’s lap, plush ass rocking down on Jared’s perpetually half-hard cock. Every since they’d started the new aspect of their relationship and figured out what worked for them, both of them had been insatiable. Jared had to wonder if Jensen’s ass felt as raw as his cock, or if he liked it as much.

Always willing to take advantage, Jensen slipped his tongue between Jared’s open lips and, even with his eyes closed, Jared recognized the way Jensen signed ‘kiss’ against his shoulder - an order to kiss back and not be passive.

He sunk himself into the kiss with as much passion as he had, wrapping his arms around Jensen’s back and rocking his hips up to tease Jensen just the way they both enjoyed. Jensen pulled back and smiled with a question in his eyes and Jared shook his head to recall what they’d been talking about.

The club. He thought about it for a moment once Jensen had signed him to stop all movement and he could actually think. He smiled up at Jensen.

“I think I’m ready for that. Daddy.”

 

 


End file.
